1
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:16,483
Hello, everybody.

2
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,219
Thank you for the press
for joining us to document

3
00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:22,122
this very important
presidential transition. Me?

4
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:25,925
I've been serious right now.

5
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,327
Even though we disagree.

6
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,263
I'm eager to sit down
for a respectful conversation.

7
00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:31,965
Yeah, I get a lot of me.

8
00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:32,999
Instead of being rude

9
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:37,170
and crazy like usual,
I'm doing quiet and serene,

10
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:40,974
which in many ways is a lot
scarier.

11
00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:42,542
I'm going to sit here and smile

12
00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:46,613
while ignoring the giant fire
right behind me.

13
00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:50,417
Just like that meme,
can we put it up side by side?

14
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:55,955
And this is fine.

15
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,390
It does look like that.

16
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:57,891
We love.

17
00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:58,958
This is fine, dog.

18
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:01,795
All right.

19
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:04,431
We're going to ask you reporters
to leave so we can be alone.

20
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,066
And we're going to talk details.

21
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,467
That's right.
We're going to have

22
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,704
just two bombers here
talking about nukes.

23
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,138
We lost some.

24
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,174
We don't know where they are.

25
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,943
Anyway, have a good day.

26
00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:18,078
Thank you everyone.

27
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,613
You can screen your questions
on the way out.

28
00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:21,815
What's going to happen?

29
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:24,951
Should I go to Canada?

30
00:01:24,984 --> 00:01:25,285
All right.

31
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,554
Now that we're alone,
let's get to war.

32
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:28,555
We're going to go over that.

33
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,256
Last year, everyone survived
the NATO briefings.

34
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,691
How does that sound?

35
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:36,763
Oh, I forgot
how boring president is.

36
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:37,697
Love running.

37
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,933
Hate being.

38
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,101
And I hate the white house.

39
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,635
So old, so dated. So

40
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:46,740
many of the carpets are stinky
and sticky at the same time.

41
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:51,111
Sort of like
being at a regal cinemas now.

42
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:55,949
Don't live here for the next
four years, possibly longer.

43
00:01:55,982 --> 00:01:57,684
Come on, let's be real, man.

44
00:01:57,717 --> 00:01:58,985
This place is great.

45
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:01,421
I have so many wonderful
memories here.

46
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,590
Doctor Jill Hobson, foreign
leaders.

47
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:07,527
My dog
attacking every single one.

48
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:08,595
I brought my partner

49
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:12,465
together so much, they teamed up
and kicked me out.

50
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:13,667
Wait a minute.

51
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,068
Maybe I hate it here too.

52
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:16,803
Slow down.

53
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,939
I know it's awful,
but I can't go back to mar a

54
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:25,078
lago, Joe, because elon is there
and he will not leave.

55
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,312
It's like, what about Bob?

56
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:27,113
He's walking around

57
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:30,283
in his bathing suit,
showing me videos of rockets and

58
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,752
monkeys
with computers in their heads.

59
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:36,489
This guy
s cringe af

60
00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:38,858
oh, you're the president now.

61
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,727
You can just say anything
you want to say.

62
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,595
You got to watch how you talk

63
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,764
because you got a lot
of superpower power.

64
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,901
But power puff puff daddy, baby
daddy,

65
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:51,938
daddy, daddy
riding on a pony call macaroni.

66
00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:55,275
Wow. What the hell was that?

67
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:57,243
Did you just do the weave?

68
00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:58,745
Oh. Come on, man.

69
00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:00,280
It's my own version of the wave.

70
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,815
I call it the launder.

71
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:05,685
And go here,
I go there, so I come back.

72
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,087
Guess what? No.

73
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:10,890
All right,
well, thanks for your advice,

74
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,759
but I already know how to do it.

75
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:15,462
It's all about surrounding
yourself with the best people.

76
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:20,934
And I am very fastly picking the
most epic cabinet of all time.

77
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:23,470
There's some of the most
dynamic, free thinking.

78
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:24,971
Animal killing, sexually

79
00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:27,974
criminal, medically
crazy people in the country.

80
00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,642
Who are you thinking about?

81
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,845
Well,
we've got Ellen and Matt gates.

82
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,881
That's an alien versus predator.

83
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,217
You have,

84
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,085
you got.

85
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:41,254
We got kristi noem and rfk Jr.

86
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,389
They're killing the dogs.

87
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,758
They're killing the bears.

88
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,860
And Melania will be working

89
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:50,296
remotely from divorce.

90
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:51,164
See what you're doing.

91
00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:52,432
These nominations.

92
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:55,502
You're picking a bunch of wacko
Jacko's and test out compliant.

93
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,404
The senator will be
with your policy.

94
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,705
Yep. That's what I'm doing.

95
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,774
It's all part of
a very smart plan

96
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:04,244
that I definitely thought
of before you just said that.

97
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:05,178
Mr. President,

98
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,181
it's not on your agenda, but
Matt gates is here to see Mr.

99
00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:08,615
Trump.

100
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:11,618
All right, well.

101
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:19,325
Hello, Mr.

102
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:21,061
Trump, thank you for having me.

103
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:23,363
And, yeah,
thank you for seeing me.

104
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:27,133
And might I say giggity giggity.

105
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,336
Giggity to you as well? Matt.

106
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:30,470
I don't want to bother you.

107
00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:33,239
I just wanted to thank you
for nominating me

108
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,507
for Attorney General.

109
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,409
I'm going to do a great job.

110
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,410
If anyone tries

111
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,813
to break the law,
I'll tell them what I told.

112
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:43,683
My eyebrows freeze.

113
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,117
Come on.

114
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:45,352
Are you serious with these guys?

115
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:47,887
Guys, give me the pick.

116
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:48,421
Me too.

117
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,724
But I think he's
going to be derivative.

118
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,992
Of course,
I had to resign from congress

119
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,928
because the confirmation process
comes

120
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,863
at the busiest time of year
for me.

121
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,733
The holidays.
Girls volleyball season.

122
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,536
Anyway, I'll leave you be.

123
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:08,141
You've got another Jack king
here to see you, rfk Jr.

124
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:11,177
Bobby.

125
00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:25,058
Hey, I don't mean
to interrupt you.

126
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,926
I just wanted to tell you again.

127
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,964
I'm so honored
to be the head of the health

128
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:34,067
and human services department.

129
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:37,737
Americans need someone
to teach them how to be healthy.

130
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,874
Someone like me,
a 70 year old man with movie

131
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:44,077
star looks
and a worm in his brain.

132
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,078
Bobby, I love you.

133
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:45,412
I can't

134
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,480
wait to see what you do
with this country

135
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:51,251
in terms of health and with
regard to the measles outbreak.

136
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:54,254
I care deeply about a woman's
right to choose

137
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,891
to choose
to give her child polio.

138
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:01,161
I just wish people would take
my appointment more seriously.

139
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,696
All right, I gotta go.

140
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:04,631
I got a dead dolphin in my car.

141
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:06,933
I think I might

142
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,203
stop in half and dump it in
central park.

143
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:11,037
I'll let you know.

144
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,339
Hey, I'll
let you know how it goes.

145
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,807
Thanks for the job, man.

146
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,375
All right.

147
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:18,778
Hey, sentence.

148
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,914
No, Ron.

149
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:22,315
Don, let's get serious.

150
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:24,417
Or so
I gotta tell you something.

151
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:27,120
I know your campaign
was all about retribution,

152
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,389
but think of the opportunity
you have to rise above it

153
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:30,657
and reach across the aisle

154
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:33,493
and use your enormous force
personality.

155
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:36,463
Better
the lives of all Americans.

156
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:36,863
I think

157
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,934
we'll be doing retribution,
but that's very interesting.

158
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:41,935
You got to remember this.

159
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:43,336
You got off easy.

160
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:44,871
I think we both know
if I was in the race,

161
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,706
I would have beat
you like a drum.

162
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,941
Joe. That's one of the craziest

163
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,976
things
I've ever heard anyone say.

164
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,444
And for that reason,
I'd like to offer

165
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:52,812
you a position in my cabinet.

166
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:58,084
Okay, dude, you

167
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,920
need to make, take a little time
off from this place.

168
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,756
What do you think
you'll do next, Joe?

169
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,090
Will you retire?

170
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,693
I'll do whatever worn down
old guy does.

171
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:10,563
Come on to fight Jake Paul.

172
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,098
Live from New York

173
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,034
it's Saturday night

174
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,608
It's Saturday night live.

175
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:23,910
With...

176
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:28,034
Host and musical guest Charlie
xcx

177
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,040
ladies and gentlemen,

178
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,043
Charli xcx

179
00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,366
Thank you, thank you.

180
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,700
Thank you very much.

181
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:05,505
My name is Charlie xcx

182
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:07,774
but they refuse to recognize me.

183
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:08,808
You might know me

184
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:12,579
from my album brat,
but don't worry if you don't.

185
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:16,316
There is nothing
wrong with being straight.

186
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,917
Okay, so a little about me.

187
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,887
I actually started performing
when I was really young,

188
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:24,090
and I played at my first rave
when I was 15 years old.

189
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,426
My parents
actually drove me there.

190
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,994
And if you're wondering,

191
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,363
how did I get my parents
to drive me to arrive?

192
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:35,969
Well, I just told them, guys,
I've got swim practice

193
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,371
at who I am

194
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:41,941
in a warehouse full of guys.

195
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,544
No, but seriously,
I've come a long way, and today

196
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:48,081
I consider myself
to be a triple threat.

197
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:51,284
Which in england means I sing,

198
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,320
I drink, and I smoke.

199
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:57,257
Speaking of singing,
I want to take a moment to thank

200
00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:01,061
someone who's been there for me
my entire career.

201
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,430
Auto-tune this auto

202
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:06,499
tune makes everything
sound better.

203
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,268
Even really bad news.

204
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,204
Like this. Watch.

205
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,773
I'm breaking up with you.

206
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:18,678
I'm gonna look up with your dad.

207
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,314
See what I have to.

208
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,315
Say, brat.

209
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,584
Summer
has been a crazy experience.

210
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,986
So many people have asked me,
what is bra?

211
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,723
And honestly, it's
just like an attitude.

212
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:30,857
It's a vibe.

213
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:34,694
For example, the new Martha
Stewart documentary

214
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:38,565
when Martha gets mad
about an old magazine article

215
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,000
and she says that she's glad

216
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,302
the journalist who wrote
it is dead.

217
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,437
That is brat.

218
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:46,973
And then last Friday,
when that exact

219
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:50,276
journalist responded and said,
hey, I'm alive, bitch.

220
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,580
That is extremely bad.

221
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:57,117
Honestly though, anyone can be.

222
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,118
Really.

223
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,920
Even me

224
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,957
oh Kyle mooney

225
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,464
What is your favorite
kind of club?

226
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,867
Probably Turkey. Okay.

227
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,802
And what's your favorite
kind of drug.

228
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,804
I take clairton.

229
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:18,738
Over the counter.

230
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,373
Hard. Cool.

231
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,675
And if someone spilled a drink

232
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,276
on you at the club,
what would you say?

233
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,077
No worries.

234
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,445
Carry on. Malade.

235
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,847
Oh, I've never had that before.

236
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,916
So what do you say?

237
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:33,753
Am I a brat? No.

238
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,089
Oh, good.

239
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,124
Luck.

240
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,427
Keeping it real is very bra.

241
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,162
Bra is all about
being vulnerable.

242
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,597
So truly, this is a dream
come true.

243
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,000
I am so excited to be here.

244
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:52,138
And I'm not used to being out
this early on a Saturday night,

245
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:55,408
so you guys, it's worth it
because we've got a great show.

246
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,578
For you tonight.

247
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,614
And we'll be right back.

248
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:14,260
Okay, and the final answer

249
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:18,064
in "guess that baby food" is --

250
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:23,203
gerber pureed beef and ham!

251
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,405
Okay, me actually liking it.

252
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,407
Oh, that was so fun.

253
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,910
Okay, switching gears.

254
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,612
Let's give a round of applause

255
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,414
to the milf of the hour, my

256
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,548
cousin Kelsey!

257
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,354
Aww!

258
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:41,821
Love you!

259
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,757
You killed rehab!

260
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:45,225
Welcome back.

261
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,227
Let's not forget about the

262
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,261
papa to be.

263
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:48,595
Kidding.

264
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:50,096
Just four weeks till we meet our

265
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:50,463
little one.

266
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,299
I would now like to invite up

267
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:57,904
Kelsey's besties, aka kel-squad!

268
00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:00,173
What up?

269
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,307
Instead of a gift, we're going

270
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,809
to do something different for

271
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,577
y'all because we're a little bit

272
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,046
artistic and a little bit

273
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,348
random.

274
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:12,819
Last month, we took Kelsey on

275
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,888
one last girl's trip, a besties

276
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,389
babymoon.

277
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,057
I think the babymoon is

278
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:17,624
normally for the couple but

279
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:18,692
queens gotta be queens.

280
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,897
Let's just say Kelsey was hot

281
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,365
to go on our vacay, so we wrote

282
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:31,104
a special song about it.

283
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,339
They say everything's bigger in

284
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,208
Texas.

285
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,810
But Kelsey's already effing

286
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,311
huge, so we went to Miami!

287
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,079
Five, six, five, six, seven,

288
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,080
eight!

289
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,348
♪ Kelsey is our bestie got to be

290
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,850
a mama ♪

291
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,452
♪ so we took a trip in my

292
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:48,355
hyundai sonata ♪

293
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,523
♪ just 'cause you're pregnant

294
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:54,594
don't mean you're a beganmy ♪

295
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,261
♪ Kelsey couldn't fly so we

296
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:56,596
drove to Miami ♪

297
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:59,366
♪ we went to the spa but Kelsey

298
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,600
got to top it all ♪

299
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:05,038
♪ we say Kelsey get off your

300
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,506
phone ♪

301
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:07,240
♪ because we know who she's

302
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:15,048
texting know who she's texting ♪

303
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:21,388
♪ d-o-m-i-n-g-o ♪

304
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,155
♪ she's sending him her pregnant

305
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:24,057
news ♪

306
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,125
Wait, what happened?

307
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,060
Oh, my god, babe, just listen

308
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:27,861
to the whole song before you

309
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:28,762
make, like, a snap judgment.

310
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,065
Okay, well the song just

311
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,967
started and we're already at

312
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:37,237
pregnant news.

313
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,774
♪ Dancing at the club Kelsey's

314
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:41,541
had it ♪

315
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:42,308
♪ take her to the bathroom and

316
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,811
she just starts shouting ♪

317
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,079
♪ she says eight months ago is a

318
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,949
little bit hazy ♪

319
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:50,884
♪ I'm 90% sure it's not

320
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,318
domingo's baby ♪

321
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:52,986
Wait, what?

322
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:53,520
There's a chance it isn't even

323
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:54,220
my kid?

324
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:55,088
Hey, babe, are you listening?

325
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,956
I said 90% not his baby.

326
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,258
Trust the math.

327
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:04,030
♪ Now we can finally see why

328
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:07,901
Kelsey brought us to Miami ♪

329
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,337
♪ she has the address of his

330
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,438
childhood home ♪

331
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,240
♪ she needs to tell family they

332
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,742
completely embrace her ♪

333
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:16,409
Is the point of this song

334
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,846
that you saw domingo in Miami?

335
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:20,880
No, the point is it is hot to

336
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,282
go.

337
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:27,187
♪ D-o-m-i-n-g-o ♪

338
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:30,957
♪ Kelsey's learning espanol ♪

339
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:38,598
♪ d-o-m-i-n-g-o ♪

340
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,601
♪ get on your duolingo ♪

341
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,536
I knew I heard you speaking

342
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:46,072
Spanish the bathroom.

343
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:46,840
♪ We don't know where Kelsey's

344
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:47,574
been ♪

345
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:48,341
♪ look her up on find my

346
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,309
friends ♪

347
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,810
♪ she's standing in the ocean

348
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:54,547
like she don't give a damn ♪

349
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:55,181
♪ then she pulls out the

350
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,217
sonogram ♪

351
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,985
♪ she says we came to Miami

352
00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:00,487
'cause she found out the

353
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,224
paternity ♪

354
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,493
♪ the doctor says it is twins

355
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,727
and one is Matthew's and one is

356
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,929
domingo's ♪

357
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:11,364
That is biologically

358
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:14,334
impossible.

359
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,936
Okay, miracles happen every

360
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:17,203
day.

361
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:18,738
I'm going to ask you a

362
00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:20,040
question, and I want you to be

363
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,174
honest with me.

364
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:21,841
When was the last time you saw

365
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,510
domingo?

366
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,511
It is today!

367
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,683
♪ Hey my brother aren't you

368
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,184
happy ♪

369
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,686
♪ hearing from domingo we both

370
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,454
are daddies ♪

371
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:35,689
♪ domingo gonna be in your life

372
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,190
forever ♪

373
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,692
♪ we'll raise our babies in

374
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,195
Miami together ♪

375
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,197
Wait, we're moving to Miami?

376
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,901
Yeah.

377
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:51,371
If you want to coparent.

378
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,072
Can we have a water birth?

379
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:52,972
I have a hot tub!

380
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:56,576
Five, six, seven, eight!

381
00:17:56,609 --> 00:18:02,882
♪ D-o-m-i-n-g-o ♪

382
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,857
Audiences cannot wait
to see the star studded cast.

383
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,692
It was a month before
production.

384
00:18:12,726 --> 00:18:16,529
Screen actors across Hollywood
auditioned to step foot in arms.

385
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:19,265
Here are their never before seen
screen tests.

386
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:23,536
Okay, jojo siwa
reading for glinda popular.

387
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,072
You're going to be popular.

388
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,741
I may be a gateway, but.

389
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,043
I'm still a bad girl.

390
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,912
Okay,
testing for elphaba. Adele.

391
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:33,580
Oh, hello.

392
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,281
Can I take my shoes off?

393
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,149
Okay. Adele.

394
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:37,450
Okay. Wicked.

395
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:38,518
Oh, my god,

396
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:43,923
I said the name of the
bloody movie shop king sunny.

397
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,859
Next we have Shannon sharpe.

398
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:46,860
What's up?
He is agreeing with you.

399
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,629
The good one, the good.
We know what the bad is.

400
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:50,063
What? Awful.

401
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:51,731
You going to tell me
you made it? Monkeys fly.

402
00:18:51,765 --> 00:18:53,533
Come alone. Elphaba.

403
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,802
Fran lebowitz for madame marvel.

404
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,605
This is why people pretend it's
an emerald city.

405
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,174
It's an emerald city,
but it's a yellow brick road.

406
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,375
Everyone saying ding dong.

407
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,477
The witches said,
what are you, a?

408
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,346
Next up, Sydney sweeney.

409
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,313
Hello.

410
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:11,017
We are
you like, a wizard or whatever?

411
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:13,286
Oh, Rambo.

412
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,222
Bernie Sanders
for the mayor of munchkinland.

413
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:19,059
We are sending millions.

414
00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:21,695
And billions to the wizard.

415
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,329
Meanwhile, the.

416
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,666
Munchkins are living paycheck
to paycheck.

417
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:27,901
Sebastian maniscalco.

418
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,436
So, doctor dilemma.

419
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:33,606
I take my first little step
in decision diversity.

420
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,674
You heard it. It's.

421
00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:37,210
They gotta go for a teacher.

422
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:39,245
I gotta get out of here.

423
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,714
Take it somewhere else.

424
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:44,751
Why would you do that,
Martha Stewart?

425
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:48,088
Some people are born wicked,
while others have wickedness

426
00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:49,422
thrust upon them.

427
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:52,559
You know,
someone thrust upon me once.

428
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:55,161
Wonderful Irish mum.

429
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,863
Reading for glinda and elphaba.

430
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:59,766
We have Charlie and Troy
survive.

431
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,269
Can I call you Alfie? No.

432
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:08,675
I earned buddy, too, because i'm
a bitch and you're a witch.

433
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:09,709
I'm confused.

434
00:20:09,743 --> 00:20:10,910
I'm not a wheat charmer.

435
00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:12,679
All next is.

436
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,215
Al Pacino for his munchkins.

437
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:16,416
And this. Right.

438
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,018
So maybe I could say something
like.

439
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:21,755
Say hello to my little friend.

440
00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:24,557
You know, I died once,

441
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,759
and there was nothing.

442
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:28,795
Next stop,
Leslie mann for glinda. You.

443
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,764
Why are you green?

444
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:33,700
I would love to be green, but,

445
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,735
I'm like a mom.

446
00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:37,971
Janet Jackson
reading for elphaba.

447
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,372
And what movie is this for?

448
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:40,340
It's for wicked.

449
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,809
Oh, I don't want to be
in this. No.

450
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,978
Margy Madison for menorah.

451
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,480
I. Hey, maybe
you want to go to a private room

452
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:50,917
and meet the wizard,
but you don't have any cash.

453
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,154
I'll just go to an atm in oz.

454
00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:56,956
Bad bunny is screen
testing for Sierra.

455
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:03,897
There you go. That's great.

456
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,966
Any chance we could get it
again in English? No.

457
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:12,872
Oh. Oh.

458
00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:22,649
We now return.

459
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,618
To the Thanksgiving
baking championship.

460
00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:28,888
Okay, bakers, time is up.

461
00:21:28,922 --> 00:21:31,124
Today's
theme was Thanksgiving bounty.

462
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:34,594
And you had two hours to create
cakes worth giving thanks for.

463
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,796
And as an extra challenge,
you had to include

464
00:21:36,830 --> 00:21:39,833
a mechanical element
to bring your cake to life.

465
00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:42,435
First up is home baker Leah.

466
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:43,536
Hi, judges.

467
00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:48,308
I love Thanksgiving
and I hope you love my cake.

468
00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:49,542
Oh. You're adorable.

469
00:21:49,576 --> 00:21:50,944
Tell us what you've made.

470
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,345
Well, my cake honors

471
00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:54,314
the man who organized
the first Thanksgiving.

472
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:57,017
The governor of Plymouth, Mr.
William Bradford.

473
00:21:57,117 --> 00:22:01,087
He may be a puritan,
but this cake is pure delicious

474
00:22:01,121 --> 00:22:03,256
with tempered
chocolate marshmallow beard.

475
00:22:03,289 --> 00:22:06,159
And instead of flour,
I use sweetened cornmeal.

476
00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:10,063
Or should I say maize meal?

477
00:22:10,096 --> 00:22:12,165
Wow, you did all that
in two hours?

478
00:22:12,198 --> 00:22:14,267
Yes, sir, somehow I did.

479
00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,670
All right,
well, let's see it. Okay.

480
00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:25,645
I messed up.

481
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:26,746
Leo, sweetie.

482
00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:28,715
What happened?

483
00:22:28,748 --> 00:22:30,550
I think, time got away from me.

484
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:34,754
And also,
I think I might be stupid,

485
00:22:34,788 --> 00:22:35,188
you know?

486
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,791
I get that, yeah,
it is the popcorn on its head.

487
00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,325
Supposed to be the maize.

488
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:43,697
I don't I don't know,
I don't know what maize is.

489
00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:43,997
Okay.

490
00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:45,665
And what about your mechanical
element?

491
00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:46,933
Oh, right. Yeah.

492
00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:49,969
You guys just let me turn it on.

493
00:22:54,107 --> 00:22:54,841
Oh, no.

494
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:57,143
Is that what you meant
to happen?

495
00:22:57,177 --> 00:22:59,479
I don't know what I meant.

496
00:22:59,512 --> 00:23:02,649
I have embarrassed myself
and my homeland.

497
00:23:02,682 --> 00:23:03,616
Where are you from?

498
00:23:03,650 --> 00:23:06,853
I'm from here. Goodbye.

499
00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:08,121
Okay, well, that's too bad.

500
00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:11,758
But next up, from across the
pond, let's say hi to Juliana.

501
00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:12,892
Hello.

502
00:23:12,926 --> 00:23:15,862
First of all, pumped to be here.

503
00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,864
And secondly, we brits.

504
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:22,068
We don't have Thanksgiving,
so this might get a bit hairy.

505
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:23,803
Well, why don't you tell us
what you made?

506
00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:24,771
With pleasure.

507
00:23:25,972 --> 00:23:29,376
Basically made the first thing
I thought of, which is Turkey.

508
00:23:30,677 --> 00:23:33,146
So this handsome boy's feathers

509
00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:36,783
are hazelnut fondant airbrushed
with iridescent icing.

510
00:23:36,816 --> 00:23:40,186
And his wattle is made
from homemade sticky toffee.

511
00:23:40,220 --> 00:23:41,121
Toffee.

512
00:23:41,154 --> 00:23:44,090
Gobble, gobble. Am I right?

513
00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:45,959
Wow, that sounds amazing.

514
00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:50,096
It does sound like that
doesn't have.

515
00:23:50,096 --> 00:23:51,197
Let's see.

516
00:23:51,231 --> 00:23:54,234
Oh, right. Up.

517
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:02,509
Wow. That's
not what you described at all.

518
00:24:02,542 --> 00:24:03,910
Yeah. It's bad.

519
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:06,446
I messed up.

520
00:24:06,479 --> 00:24:08,148
Can we see your animated
element?

521
00:24:08,181 --> 00:24:11,184
I'm not sure you want to say.

522
00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:16,790
It. Oh, my.

523
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:19,459
Can we show this on TV?

524
00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:22,495
I asked, ma'am
just to take my time.

525
00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:25,298
Okay, well, let's
go ahead and taste your cake.

526
00:24:25,331 --> 00:24:26,966
Okay.

527
00:24:27,067 --> 00:24:29,202
Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow.

528
00:24:29,235 --> 00:24:31,071
Is that actual Turkey meat?

529
00:24:31,071 --> 00:24:31,871
It might be.

530
00:24:31,905 --> 00:24:34,908
Yeah. Sorry about that.

531
00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:35,975
I'm dying. My go.

532
00:24:36,076 --> 00:24:37,644
What is your cake doing now?

533
00:24:37,677 --> 00:24:40,280
Oh, that's the stuffing.

534
00:24:41,748 --> 00:24:44,751
I think
his body is rejecting it.

535
00:24:48,688 --> 00:24:50,390
Dear god.

536
00:24:50,423 --> 00:24:52,625
Next up is sandi.

537
00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:53,660
Hello, judges.

538
00:24:53,693 --> 00:24:57,197
I hate to toot my own cake,
but I think what I did

539
00:24:57,230 --> 00:25:00,500
today is a Thanksgiving
feast for the eyes.

540
00:25:07,474 --> 00:25:10,043
Okay.

541
00:25:10,043 --> 00:25:13,046
Next up is Ralph.

542
00:25:13,413 --> 00:25:15,181
That's it. Why?

543
00:25:15,215 --> 00:25:18,051
You just want it. Too bad.

544
00:25:18,051 --> 00:25:19,953
Well,
it's a lot better than her cake,

545
00:25:20,053 --> 00:25:22,055
which is ruining Thanksgiving.

546
00:25:22,055 --> 00:25:25,058
Okay.

547
00:25:26,726 --> 00:25:30,196
Just rest at me.

548
00:25:30,230 --> 00:25:32,232
Sandi, that's on you.

549
00:25:32,265 --> 00:25:34,367
Finally, we go to Ralph.

550
00:25:34,401 --> 00:25:38,338
We've had a lot of fun here
today, and Thanksgiving is fun.

551
00:25:38,371 --> 00:25:40,507
But it's also a time
for connection with family.

552
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:40,940
A family

553
00:25:41,775 --> 00:25:43,276
that might not always
see eye to eye,

554
00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:45,078
but with a little luck
and Patience.

555
00:25:45,078 --> 00:25:47,447
Might just be able to see
heart to heart.

556
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:48,448
That's why I made this.

557
00:25:54,988 --> 00:25:57,323
And you use dark chocolate?

558
00:25:57,357 --> 00:25:58,124
Yes, ma'am.

559
00:25:58,158 --> 00:26:01,661
And the Turkey's a nine
inch dildo.

560
00:26:01,695 --> 00:26:04,064
Wow. We have a tough decision
to make.

561
00:26:04,097 --> 00:26:07,100
Yeah. How?

562
00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,344
♪ There is something on my mind

563
00:26:17,377 --> 00:26:18,078
for a long time ♪

564
00:26:18,111 --> 00:26:19,846
♪ a special passion of mine I do

565
00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:21,848
it every chance that I find ♪

566
00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:23,583
♪ so next time you walk past and

567
00:26:23,616 --> 00:26:25,352
throw away your trash ♪

568
00:26:25,385 --> 00:26:27,587
♪ I'll pick up the phone and

569
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:33,326
then do what I do best ♪

570
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:34,594
♪ now here I go i'ma report you

571
00:26:34,627 --> 00:26:42,602
to the cops ♪

572
00:26:42,635 --> 00:26:43,269
♪ here I go

573
00:26:43,303 --> 00:26:45,872
i'ma report you to the cops ♪

574
00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:46,639
♪ and all my neighbors think i'm

575
00:26:46,673 --> 00:26:48,608
right ♪

576
00:26:48,641 --> 00:26:50,110
♪ I've been itching to do some

577
00:26:50,143 --> 00:26:54,514
snitching ♪

578
00:26:54,547 --> 00:26:55,582
♪ in my kitchen it's my

579
00:26:55,615 --> 00:26:56,216
condition ♪

580
00:26:56,249 --> 00:26:58,685
♪ picking up that phone ♪

581
00:26:58,718 --> 00:27:00,687
♪ and I know you're not supposed

582
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,423
to do this anymore ♪

583
00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:06,026
♪ but does it help to know that

584
00:27:06,026 --> 00:27:08,928
who I snitched on was white ♪

585
00:27:09,029 --> 00:27:10,697
♪ we can all relax and enjoy

586
00:27:10,730 --> 00:27:16,770
this incredible song ♪

587
00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:17,570
♪ about causing the pigs to

588
00:27:17,604 --> 00:27:18,838
[ bleep ] ♪

589
00:27:18,872 --> 00:27:19,572
♪ Having the cake and eating it

590
00:27:19,606 --> 00:27:19,906
too ♪

591
00:27:20,607 --> 00:27:20,874
♪ I baked the cake and ate the

592
00:27:20,907 --> 00:27:22,308
cake ♪

593
00:27:22,342 --> 00:27:23,810
♪ hell, yeah hell, yeah hell,

594
00:27:23,843 --> 00:27:28,815
yeah hell, yeah ♪

595
00:27:28,848 --> 00:27:30,316
♪ now here I go

596
00:27:30,350 --> 00:27:33,086
i'ma report you to the cops ♪

597
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:36,823
♪ they're all white ♪

598
00:27:36,856 --> 00:27:38,091
♪ here I go

599
00:27:38,124 --> 00:27:41,094
i'ma report you to the cops ♪

600
00:27:41,127 --> 00:27:41,828
♪ gonna sleep like a baby

601
00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:42,595
tonight now make way for my

602
00:27:42,629 --> 00:27:44,097
wife ♪

603
00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:48,101
♪ now hold up wait a minute

604
00:27:48,134 --> 00:27:48,868
'cause I'm gonna call ♪

605
00:27:48,902 --> 00:27:49,836
♪ they're gonna roll up any

606
00:27:49,869 --> 00:27:52,972
minute ♪

607
00:27:53,073 --> 00:27:56,409
♪ I pay my [ Bleep ] taxes ♪

608
00:27:56,443 --> 00:27:57,677
♪ they can only make me feel

609
00:27:57,711 --> 00:28:01,181
giddy ♪

610
00:28:01,214 --> 00:28:03,883
♪ pull up within two centimeters

611
00:28:03,917 --> 00:28:08,521
of my driveway bitch ♪

612
00:28:08,555 --> 00:28:09,756
♪ we have no one like you to

613
00:28:09,789 --> 00:28:13,193
show up the way we do ♪

614
00:28:13,226 --> 00:28:16,196
♪ when I get my binoculars on

615
00:28:16,229 --> 00:28:17,697
the front lawn I saw you

616
00:28:17,731 --> 00:28:19,199
looking ♪

617
00:28:19,232 --> 00:28:23,703
♪ have fun at central booking ♪

618
00:28:23,737 --> 00:28:24,437
♪ now here I go

619
00:28:24,471 --> 00:28:25,705
I'm reporting you to the cops ♪

620
00:28:25,739 --> 00:28:26,439
♪ the cop yeah the cop the

621
00:28:26,473 --> 00:28:31,111
copity cop ♪

622
00:28:31,144 --> 00:28:31,745
♪ the copity cop ♪

623
00:28:31,778 --> 00:28:32,946
♪ then I walk outside like

624
00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:36,316
what's going on ♪

625
00:28:36,349 --> 00:28:37,050
♪ everyone's gonna know it was

626
00:28:37,083 --> 00:28:38,351
me ♪

627
00:28:38,385 --> 00:28:39,352
♪ but they can't say [ Bleep ]

628
00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:40,086
Because I reported it

629
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,856
anonymously ♪

630
00:28:42,889 --> 00:28:43,590
♪ here I go

631
00:28:43,623 --> 00:28:44,824
I'm reporting you to the cops ♪

632
00:28:44,858 --> 00:28:45,592
♪ but you better believe I'll

633
00:28:45,625 --> 00:28:46,593
show up for that court date

634
00:28:46,626 --> 00:28:49,362
yeah ♪

635
00:28:49,396 --> 00:28:55,802
♪ here I go ♪

636
00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:58,371
♪ hell ya ♪

637
00:29:11,017 --> 00:29:12,485
What is up, everybody?

638
00:29:12,519 --> 00:29:14,921
Welcome to banger boys,
the podcast

639
00:29:15,021 --> 00:29:17,924
that goes forward
every single week.

640
00:29:18,024 --> 00:29:21,528
I'm Mark, that's duggan,
and pj is all eyes.

641
00:29:21,561 --> 00:29:26,366
Plus over
here, our producer Kara. Hey.

642
00:29:26,399 --> 00:29:28,835
So, guys, we got a lot to cover
today.

643
00:29:28,868 --> 00:29:31,404
Duggan's got a hilarious story
about getting his sack

644
00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:35,475
punched by an insta baddie back.

645
00:29:35,508 --> 00:29:39,512
And then we'll discuss
how they built the pyramids.

646
00:29:39,546 --> 00:29:41,748
But first,
how about a man trump, oh, dude.

647
00:29:41,781 --> 00:29:43,149
He's awesome.

648
00:29:43,183 --> 00:29:44,651
I can't believe
he was on our podcast.

649
00:29:44,684 --> 00:29:46,519
Like two weeks ago. Dude.

650
00:29:46,553 --> 00:29:47,954
I don't want to jinx it
or anything,

651
00:29:48,054 --> 00:29:51,925
but I feel like trump
could actually win this thing.

652
00:29:51,958 --> 00:29:55,228
Duggan he did win

653
00:29:55,261 --> 00:29:55,695
last Tuesday.

654
00:29:55,729 --> 00:29:58,064
But you want.

655
00:29:58,064 --> 00:30:00,166
To do.

656
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:01,201
This second.

657
00:30:01,234 --> 00:30:01,735
Yeah.

658
00:30:02,769 --> 00:30:04,637
Before we get to all that
and the sponsors, Kara.

659
00:30:04,671 --> 00:30:08,274
Vengaboys is brought to you
by cargo condom,

660
00:30:08,308 --> 00:30:12,445
the only condoms with pockets,
cargo condoms.

661
00:30:12,479 --> 00:30:16,916
And by then junior
nicotine pouches for kids.

662
00:30:16,950 --> 00:30:19,786
All the nicotine
with that great cherry flavor.

663
00:30:19,819 --> 00:30:23,189
Then junior. Sick.

664
00:30:23,223 --> 00:30:23,656
So yeah.

665
00:30:24,591 --> 00:30:26,226
President Trump's president now
and he like

666
00:30:26,259 --> 00:30:28,695
said that being on banger boys
helped him with young voters.

667
00:30:28,728 --> 00:30:30,663
That is so sick. Yeah.

668
00:30:30,697 --> 00:30:31,664
And we all got to hang with him.

669
00:30:31,698 --> 00:30:34,167
That was wild I know right.

670
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,870
We did the podcast on his plane.
So baller.

671
00:30:36,903 --> 00:30:38,772
Yeah, it was awesome. Dude.

672
00:30:38,805 --> 00:30:41,374
They asked us to meet at the
secret airport, and it's called

673
00:30:41,408 --> 00:30:43,610
titty baby.

674
00:30:43,643 --> 00:30:47,947
It it's called Teterboro.

675
00:30:47,981 --> 00:30:49,015
Right.

676
00:30:49,049 --> 00:30:50,083
But we got on his plane

677
00:30:50,116 --> 00:30:52,185
and we talked to trump for,
like, two hours.

678
00:30:52,218 --> 00:30:54,554
And then when it was over,
he kicked us off the plane

679
00:30:54,587 --> 00:30:56,322
in, like,
grand rapids, Michigan.

680
00:30:56,356 --> 00:30:58,525
And we had to, like,
find our own way back.

681
00:30:58,558 --> 00:31:00,360
It was just.

682
00:31:00,393 --> 00:31:02,062
That greyhound bus smell.

683
00:31:02,062 --> 00:31:04,497
Crazy.

684
00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:06,800
Total road trip. Guys.

685
00:31:06,833 --> 00:31:07,367
We got to talk.

686
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:08,702
Mike Tyson v Jake Paul.

687
00:31:08,735 --> 00:31:11,338
But first some sponsors.

688
00:31:11,371 --> 00:31:14,441
Banger boys
and sponsored by topgolf.

689
00:31:14,474 --> 00:31:16,810
Find out
which one of your coworkers

690
00:31:16,843 --> 00:31:21,548
is an alcoholic
at guts and by mailchimp.

691
00:31:21,581 --> 00:31:24,451
Do you have a female chimp
and need a male one?

692
00:31:24,484 --> 00:31:29,723
While this guy named Doug
has a male chance?

693
00:31:29,756 --> 00:31:30,690
Sick.

694
00:31:30,724 --> 00:31:31,925
Wait, dude, is that your phone?

695
00:31:31,958 --> 00:31:34,494
Whoa. Sorry, bro. Yeah,

696
00:31:34,527 --> 00:31:36,429
it says it for more a longer.

697
00:31:36,463 --> 00:31:38,865
Answer it, bro. All right,
all right, all right.

698
00:31:38,898 --> 00:31:41,634
Hello. Oh. Hi, sir.

699
00:31:41,668 --> 00:31:43,837
Yeah. Okay. Go.

700
00:31:43,870 --> 00:31:46,373
Oh, what was that about? Oh.

701
00:31:46,406 --> 00:31:47,874
Oh, dude. That was trouble.

702
00:31:47,907 --> 00:31:53,580
He said that he's naming me
the secretary of the commerce

703
00:31:53,613 --> 00:31:56,316
one week, secretary of commerce.

704
00:31:56,349 --> 00:31:58,118
What even is that?

705
00:31:58,118 --> 00:32:01,488
I think it means he's in charge
of, like, all the commercials.

706
00:32:01,521 --> 00:32:04,557
All of them, I think so, yeah.

707
00:32:04,591 --> 00:32:06,659
Yeah, bro, first thing, i'm
going to do an offense.

708
00:32:06,693 --> 00:32:12,065
I'm going to fire
that little geico snake.

709
00:32:12,098 --> 00:32:13,266
Snake digging.

710
00:32:13,299 --> 00:32:14,467
It's a gecko.

711
00:32:14,501 --> 00:32:15,869
It's a snake, bro.

712
00:32:15,902 --> 00:32:17,470
It's a statement he likes bro.

713
00:32:17,504 --> 00:32:19,873
No snakes on
have legs. Remember?

714
00:32:19,906 --> 00:32:21,641
That's what makes them snakes.

715
00:32:21,675 --> 00:32:22,842
So do you disagree?

716
00:32:22,876 --> 00:32:24,844
My brother?

717
00:32:24,878 --> 00:32:25,979
Hey, guys. You know.

718
00:32:26,079 --> 00:32:29,082
I'm not sure that's what
secretary of commerce is about.

719
00:32:29,082 --> 00:32:32,886
Like, I think it's about,
like, international trade war.

720
00:32:32,919 --> 00:32:35,288
Okay. Relax. Relax.

721
00:32:35,321 --> 00:32:36,489
I don't think that's right.

722
00:32:36,523 --> 00:32:38,258
Okay, let's talk about Fridays.

723
00:32:38,291 --> 00:32:38,625
Fine.

724
00:32:38,658 --> 00:32:39,325
So, listen,

725
00:32:39,359 --> 00:32:40,994
Jake Paul is obviously a friend

726
00:32:41,094 --> 00:32:43,563
of the pod, and his beard rules.

727
00:32:43,596 --> 00:32:45,331
But is it weird
that he fought Mike Tyson?

728
00:32:45,365 --> 00:32:47,334
Guess like 58 years old.

729
00:32:47,367 --> 00:32:48,301
What's wrong with that?

730
00:32:48,335 --> 00:32:52,572
My dad's 64 and still
kicks my ass every week.

731
00:32:52,605 --> 00:32:53,907
Digging for real?

732
00:32:53,940 --> 00:32:55,108
Yeah. Like on Wednesday.

733
00:32:55,108 --> 00:32:56,409
I called him worse and,

734
00:32:56,443 --> 00:33:00,447
he picked me up over his head
and just threw me off our deck.

735
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,049
Yeah, I hit my head so hard
I can't even take it anymore.

736
00:33:03,049 --> 00:33:05,885
My dad's hilarious.

737
00:33:05,919 --> 00:33:08,221
So crazy.

738
00:33:08,254 --> 00:33:10,056
The sponsor care? Yeah.

739
00:33:10,056 --> 00:33:15,128
Bangor boys is sponsored
by warm plunges, cold plunges.

740
00:33:15,161 --> 00:33:16,663
They just got a hell of a lot

741
00:33:16,696 --> 00:33:19,799
more comfortable
with warm plunge

742
00:33:19,833 --> 00:33:21,267
pube wacker

743
00:33:21,301 --> 00:33:25,171
be very careful,

744
00:33:25,205 --> 00:33:27,440
hey! Hold up.

745
00:33:27,474 --> 00:33:29,676
That's my phone.

746
00:33:29,709 --> 00:33:31,077
Hello?

747
00:33:31,111 --> 00:33:33,179
Yes, sir.

748
00:33:33,213 --> 00:33:34,647
Yeah, I guess so.

749
00:33:34,681 --> 00:33:35,682
Okay.

750
00:33:35,715 --> 00:33:38,084
You too, sir.

751
00:33:38,084 --> 00:33:40,487
So now it's trump.

752
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:44,791
I'm the new ambassador to Iran.

753
00:33:44,824 --> 00:33:47,327
Pj, you were going to body
that job, dude.

754
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,230
So cool. Right?

755
00:33:50,263 --> 00:33:53,767
I don't know
if I want to do that.

756
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,502
Do you think I have to, like,
live the earth?

757
00:33:55,535 --> 00:33:58,738
Oh, no.
Maybe you can do it on zoom.

758
00:33:58,772 --> 00:34:01,675
Okay, well, let's
let pj figure this out, then.

759
00:34:01,708 --> 00:34:02,142
Do it.

760
00:34:02,909 --> 00:34:03,643
Tonight
we're going to talk about

761
00:34:03,677 --> 00:34:05,612
how the pyramids
were created, bro.

762
00:34:05,645 --> 00:34:06,413
Aliens?

763
00:34:06,446 --> 00:34:07,647
No, it's a pulley system.

764
00:34:07,681 --> 00:34:10,183
It's, it's like ropes.

765
00:34:10,216 --> 00:34:12,419
Which means it's going.

766
00:34:28,735 --> 00:34:30,537
Ladies and gentlemen, it's

767
00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:34,407
Charli xcx!

768
00:34:35,075 --> 00:34:43,416
**

769
00:34:43,450 --> 00:34:45,719
♪ I went my own way

770
00:34:45,752 --> 00:34:46,353
and I made it

771
00:34:46,386 --> 00:34:46,986
I'm your favorite reference

772
00:34:47,087 --> 00:34:47,721
baby ♪

773
00:34:47,754 --> 00:34:48,455
♪ call me gabbriette

774
00:34:48,488 --> 00:34:49,456
you're so inspired

775
00:34:49,489 --> 00:34:50,190
ahh ahh ♪

776
00:34:50,223 --> 00:34:51,224
♪ I'm tectonic

777
00:34:51,257 --> 00:34:52,225
moves I make 'em

778
00:34:52,258 --> 00:34:53,193
shock you like

779
00:34:53,226 --> 00:34:54,928
defibrillators ♪

780
00:34:54,961 --> 00:34:56,463
♪ no style I can't relate

781
00:34:56,496 --> 00:34:57,697
I'll always be the one

782
00:34:57,731 --> 00:34:59,699
ahh ♪

783
00:34:59,733 --> 00:35:01,701
♪ drop down yeah

784
00:35:01,735 --> 00:35:03,203
put the camera flash on

785
00:35:03,236 --> 00:35:05,205
so stylish

786
00:35:05,238 --> 00:35:07,207
baby tee is all gone ♪

787
00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:09,209
♪ drop down yeah

788
00:35:09,242 --> 00:35:11,211
lookin' like an icon

789
00:35:11,244 --> 00:35:13,947
work angles ♪

790
00:35:14,047 --> 00:35:14,948
♪ yeah 360

791
00:35:15,048 --> 00:35:16,216
when you're in the mirror

792
00:35:16,249 --> 00:35:16,950
do you like what you see? ♪

793
00:35:17,050 --> 00:35:17,951
♪ When you're in the mirror

794
00:35:18,051 --> 00:35:18,718
you're just looking at ♪

795
00:35:18,752 --> 00:35:20,220
♪ I'm everywhere

796
00:35:20,253 --> 00:35:21,955
I'm so Julia

797
00:35:22,055 --> 00:35:22,956
ah-ah ahh ♪

798
00:35:23,056 --> 00:35:24,224
♪ when you're in the party

799
00:35:24,257 --> 00:35:25,458
b-b-bumpin' that beat

800
00:35:25,492 --> 00:35:26,693
666 with a Princess streak ♪

801
00:35:26,726 --> 00:35:28,194
♪ I'm everywhere

802
00:35:28,228 --> 00:35:29,195
I'm so Julia hey

803
00:35:29,229 --> 00:35:32,732
ah-ah ahh ♪

804
00:35:32,766 --> 00:35:33,466
**

805
00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:35,435
♪ bumpin' that

806
00:35:35,468 --> 00:35:36,202
bumpin' that

807
00:35:36,236 --> 00:35:38,204
bumpin' that ♪

808
00:35:38,238 --> 00:35:39,439
♪ that city

809
00:35:39,472 --> 00:35:40,707
sewer slut's the vibe

810
00:35:40,740 --> 00:35:42,208
internationally recognized ♪

811
00:35:42,242 --> 00:35:43,209
♪ I set the tone

812
00:35:43,243 --> 00:35:44,210
it's my design

813
00:35:44,244 --> 00:35:46,946
and hey hey ♪

814
00:35:46,980 --> 00:35:49,449
♪ legacy is undebated

815
00:35:49,482 --> 00:35:52,218
you gon' jump

816
00:35:52,252 --> 00:35:52,952
if a.G. Made it ♪

817
00:35:52,986 --> 00:35:53,687
♪ if you love it

818
00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:54,187
if you hate it

819
00:35:54,220 --> 00:35:54,954
I don't I don't care

820
00:35:54,988 --> 00:35:55,689
what you think ♪

821
00:35:55,722 --> 00:35:56,956
♪ drop down yeah

822
00:35:56,990 --> 00:35:58,491
put the camera flash on

823
00:35:58,525 --> 00:36:01,027
so stylish

824
00:36:01,027 --> 00:36:03,463
baby tee is all gone ♪

825
00:36:03,496 --> 00:36:05,198
♪ drop down yeah

826
00:36:05,231 --> 00:36:07,200
lookin' like an icon

827
00:36:07,233 --> 00:36:09,703
work angles ♪

828
00:36:09,736 --> 00:36:10,704
♪ yeah 360

829
00:36:10,737 --> 00:36:12,172
when you 're in the mirror

830
00:36:12,205 --> 00:36:13,039
do you like what you see? ♪

831
00:36:13,039 --> 00:36:14,040
♪ When you're in the mirror

832
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:14,674
you're just looking at ♪

833
00:36:14,708 --> 00:36:15,709
♪ I'm everywhere

834
00:36:15,742 --> 00:36:16,710
I'm so Julia

835
00:36:16,743 --> 00:36:18,445
ah-ah ahh ♪

836
00:36:18,478 --> 00:36:19,679
♪ when you're in the party

837
00:36:19,713 --> 00:36:21,181
b-b-bumpin' that beat

838
00:36:21,214 --> 00:36:22,682
666 with a Princess streak ♪

839
00:36:22,716 --> 00:36:25,919
♪ I'm everywhere

840
00:36:25,952 --> 00:36:27,220
yeah

841
00:36:27,253 --> 00:36:28,455
ah-ah ahh ♪

842
00:36:28,488 --> 00:36:29,189
**

843
00:36:29,222 --> 00:36:30,357
♪ bumpin' that

844
00:36:30,390 --> 00:36:32,058
that's right

845
00:36:32,092 --> 00:36:33,793
bumpin' that

846
00:36:33,827 --> 00:36:36,563
ah-ah ahh ♪

847
00:36:36,596 --> 00:36:38,064
♪ bumpin' that

848
00:36:38,098 --> 00:36:40,333
bumpin' that

849
00:36:40,367 --> 00:36:41,101
bumpin' that

850
00:36:41,134 --> 00:36:43,336
ah-ah ahh ♪

851
00:37:01,421 --> 00:37:03,523
It's weekend update.

852
00:37:03,556 --> 00:37:06,559
Joe and Michael che.

853
00:37:12,832 --> 00:37:13,800
Good evening everyone.

854
00:37:13,833 --> 00:37:15,368
Welcome to weekend update. I'm
Michael che.

855
00:37:15,402 --> 00:37:18,371
I'm Colin jost.

856
00:37:19,739 --> 00:37:22,075
This week, Donald Trump
continued to announce

857
00:37:22,108 --> 00:37:25,111
everyone he's
going to fire in six months.

858
00:37:25,512 --> 00:37:28,381
Trump nominated kristi
noem to lead the department

859
00:37:28,415 --> 00:37:29,649
of homeland security.

860
00:37:29,683 --> 00:37:31,885
Lee zeldin to head the epa

861
00:37:31,918 --> 00:37:35,055
and Elise stefanik
as ambassador to the UN.

862
00:37:35,088 --> 00:37:38,091
And then someone yelled, now
do a silly one!

863
00:37:41,428 --> 00:37:43,630
On Wednesday, trump
nominated Matt gates

864
00:37:43,663 --> 00:37:46,800
for Attorney General, and gates
said the same thing he does

865
00:37:46,833 --> 00:37:48,401
when he sees a teenage girl.

866
00:37:48,435 --> 00:37:51,438
I'll do it.

867
00:37:57,077 --> 00:37:58,411
Gates, who was created

868
00:37:58,445 --> 00:38:01,448
when Frankenstein raped Dracula.

869
00:38:06,019 --> 00:38:09,155
Was chosen for Attorney General
after trump remembered

870
00:38:09,189 --> 00:38:12,292
that his original pick
was found dead in a jail cell.

871
00:38:17,030 --> 00:38:18,665
Elon Musk is reportedly

872
00:38:18,698 --> 00:38:21,768
spending nearly every day
with Donald Trump at mar-a-lago.

873
00:38:21,801 --> 00:38:22,602
But don't worry,

874
00:38:22,635 --> 00:38:24,337
elon will leave
as soon as he finishes

875
00:38:24,371 --> 00:38:26,639
listing all the dinosaurs
in alphabetical order.

876
00:38:28,274 --> 00:38:31,111
Elon Musk's new department
of government efficiency

877
00:38:31,144 --> 00:38:33,313
posted a job listing
saying that they are looking for

878
00:38:33,346 --> 00:38:37,050
people willing to work 80
plus hours a week for no money.

879
00:38:37,350 --> 00:38:40,120
But you can't be surprised
that the white African guy's

880
00:38:40,153 --> 00:38:43,156
first idea is slavery.

881
00:38:46,059 --> 00:38:49,062
And congratulations
to Robert f Kennedy Jr,

882
00:38:49,095 --> 00:38:52,365
who became the first brain
worm survivor nominated

883
00:38:53,099 --> 00:38:55,635
to a cabinet level position.

884
00:38:55,669 --> 00:38:59,372
Kennedy, whose skin is always
cooked to a perfect medium rare,

885
00:39:00,707 --> 00:39:03,510
believe the department of health
and human services.

886
00:39:03,543 --> 00:39:05,845
And I know he doesn't
have a lot of experience,

887
00:39:05,879 --> 00:39:08,882
but I say we give him a shot.

888
00:39:13,319 --> 00:39:14,387
Donald Trump has.

889
00:39:14,421 --> 00:39:17,857
Selected Pete hegseth
to be his secretary of defense.

890
00:39:17,891 --> 00:39:20,927
Hexum is co-host of fox
and friends weekend,

891
00:39:21,027 --> 00:39:24,030
which is broadcast
exclusively on cpap machines.

892
00:39:28,401 --> 00:39:30,870
Friends
president biden and Donald Trump

893
00:39:30,904 --> 00:39:34,240
seen here burning the last of
their classified documents,

894
00:39:35,775 --> 00:39:38,778
met at the white
house for almost two hours.

895
00:39:38,812 --> 00:39:40,880
But keep in mind,
90 minutes of that.

896
00:39:40,914 --> 00:39:43,917
Was that just them struggling
to stand up?

897
00:39:45,452 --> 00:39:46,453
Rudy giuliani,

898
00:39:46,486 --> 00:39:50,457
who owes $150 million to Georgia
election workers,

899
00:39:50,490 --> 00:39:53,226
has turned over his 1980
Mercedes benz,

900
00:39:53,259 --> 00:39:55,495
his watch collection
and diamond ring.

901
00:39:55,528 --> 00:39:58,531
So now he owes $150 million.

902
00:40:01,634 --> 00:40:02,435
It was.

903
00:40:03,436 --> 00:40:05,071
It was reported that
some critics of Donald Trump

904
00:40:05,105 --> 00:40:05,839
are preparing

905
00:40:06,940 --> 00:40:09,209
go bags in case they have to
suddenly flee the country.

906
00:40:09,609 --> 00:40:12,212
And I think that's stupid,
but carlino

907
00:40:12,245 --> 00:40:15,248
just steaming.

908
00:40:15,548 --> 00:40:16,116
Thinks that

909
00:40:16,149 --> 00:40:19,152
it is a molten necesario.

910
00:40:20,053 --> 00:40:22,455
The winner of a contest
to create a new national

911
00:40:22,489 --> 00:40:25,025
anthem is a song called
let them fly,

912
00:40:25,058 --> 00:40:26,259
which is a rousing,

913
00:40:26,292 --> 00:40:29,295
inspirational song
about an immigrant catapult.

914
00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:36,636
Oh, New Jersey governor Phil
Murphy has declared

915
00:40:36,670 --> 00:40:37,704
a drought warning

916
00:40:37,737 --> 00:40:40,740
and has urged residents
to reduce water consumption,

917
00:40:40,774 --> 00:40:41,808
which isn't a big deal

918
00:40:41,841 --> 00:40:44,878
since New Jersey residents
only bathe in cvs Cologne.

919
00:40:47,981 --> 00:40:50,350
That's my understanding.

920
00:40:50,383 --> 00:40:52,886
Last night,
Jake Paul and Mike Tyson

921
00:40:52,919 --> 00:40:58,525
teamed up to defeat everyone
watching.

922
00:40:59,492 --> 00:41:01,061
This week, Joe exotic, a.K.A.

923
00:41:01,094 --> 00:41:03,930
The tiger king,
penned a letter to Donald Trump

924
00:41:03,963 --> 00:41:07,267
asking once again to be pardoned
and released from prison.

925
00:41:07,300 --> 00:41:10,303
Here to comment is Joe exotic.

926
00:41:17,143 --> 00:41:19,512
Hi. I'm back.

927
00:41:19,546 --> 00:41:20,213
Oh, it's so.

928
00:41:20,246 --> 00:41:21,981
Nice to be out of my cage.

929
00:41:22,082 --> 00:41:23,917
It's nice to see you
after so long.

930
00:41:23,950 --> 00:41:24,784
How's jail?

931
00:41:24,818 --> 00:41:27,420
Oh, i'm
not supposed to be there. Okay.

932
00:41:27,454 --> 00:41:31,725
All I did was care for my cats,
make love to my two straight

933
00:41:31,758 --> 00:41:36,129
husbands, and try to kill
Carole baskin multiple times.

934
00:41:36,162 --> 00:41:37,831
But I was frightened by Peter.

935
00:41:37,864 --> 00:41:41,334
You know, I've gotten to know
very well these past few years.

936
00:41:41,368 --> 00:41:45,572
I guess you could say
I'm a pedophile

937
00:41:45,605 --> 00:41:46,573
and you can print that.

938
00:41:46,606 --> 00:41:49,175
No, I don't think you want us
to print that man.

939
00:41:49,209 --> 00:41:52,412
All I ever wanted to do
was live in peace and Harmony

940
00:41:52,445 --> 00:41:53,613
with the animals.

941
00:41:55,248 --> 00:41:56,983
Now, now.

942
00:41:57,017 --> 00:41:58,018
Eight and down.

943
00:41:58,118 --> 00:42:00,854
Eight and down. Tiger.
Yeah. Shoot it!

944
00:42:00,887 --> 00:42:03,056
I said I don't have a gun.

945
00:42:03,056 --> 00:42:04,290
Yeah, don't make a gun to work.

946
00:42:04,324 --> 00:42:07,861
Is this america
or your flat out there?

947
00:42:07,894 --> 00:42:11,164
Oh, Joe, did you seriously
bring a tiger looking.

948
00:42:11,197 --> 00:42:12,165
He followed me.

949
00:42:12,198 --> 00:42:15,835
Everybody knows that Joe
exotic attracts big cats

950
00:42:15,869 --> 00:42:18,872
and poor guys who want to be gay
for the first time.

951
00:42:20,306 --> 00:42:22,275
I'm curious, but I'm not poor.

952
00:42:22,308 --> 00:42:25,145
What was? Forget that

953
00:42:25,178 --> 00:42:26,646
I got hurt with that,
I don't know.

954
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:27,981
Anyway, didn't get a ladder.

955
00:42:28,081 --> 00:42:30,316
This has come down
in your letter this week.

956
00:42:30,350 --> 00:42:32,952
You also asked to be
a member of trump's cabinet.

957
00:42:32,986 --> 00:42:33,486
That's right.

958
00:42:34,621 --> 00:42:36,823
I have the perfect experience
to be the director of fish

959
00:42:36,856 --> 00:42:38,091
and wildlife.

960
00:42:38,091 --> 00:42:41,161
If you've ever been
in a lot of situation.

961
00:42:41,194 --> 00:42:43,263
Know that it's
when you're stuck on a boat

962
00:42:43,296 --> 00:42:45,632
with the attacker
and your Indian boyfriend.

963
00:42:46,666 --> 00:42:47,834
That's interesting.

964
00:42:47,867 --> 00:42:49,469
You're appealing
to trump for your part.

965
00:42:49,502 --> 00:42:52,339
And didn't you run for president
from jail as a democrat?

966
00:42:52,372 --> 00:42:55,809
I did,
but like my mullet, my politics

967
00:42:55,842 --> 00:42:59,346
are country over party.

968
00:42:59,379 --> 00:43:00,280
And now.

969
00:43:00,313 --> 00:43:03,483
I hate this damn shoot it tie
you shoot it.

970
00:43:03,516 --> 00:43:07,487
With your pants so high. Up.

971
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,924
So your life seems
really dangerous, man. Why?

972
00:43:10,957 --> 00:43:13,626
Because I live with a bunch
of tigers that are on Xanax.

973
00:43:13,660 --> 00:43:15,362
And because
I take a bunch of Xanax.

974
00:43:15,395 --> 00:43:16,663
So the tigers are insane.

975
00:43:16,696 --> 00:43:19,966
And my reaction time
is incredibly slow.

976
00:43:20,066 --> 00:43:21,401
Yeah, that's exactly why.

977
00:43:21,434 --> 00:43:22,469
Well, I wish you.

978
00:43:22,502 --> 00:43:25,138
I wish you the best of luck
on your on your pardon.

979
00:43:25,171 --> 00:43:27,273
And is there anything else
you'd like to say?

980
00:43:27,307 --> 00:43:28,875
There is.

981
00:43:28,908 --> 00:43:31,911
Look, I'm not a perfect person.

982
00:43:37,550 --> 00:43:39,719
Right now there's more.

983
00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:42,422
I made a lot of mistakes.

984
00:43:42,455 --> 00:43:44,657
But, hey, this is america.

985
00:43:44,691 --> 00:43:46,292
And what is america?

986
00:43:46,326 --> 00:43:50,897
But an illegal zoo run
by a missed out, poorly kill.

987
00:43:50,930 --> 00:43:52,599
And this is not related to
anything.

988
00:43:52,632 --> 00:43:56,102
But how hot are the gas
that I poll?

989
00:43:56,102 --> 00:43:56,803
I won't get up.

990
00:43:56,836 --> 00:43:58,738
It's crazy.

991
00:43:58,772 --> 00:44:01,241
And that's
what america is all about.

992
00:44:01,274 --> 00:44:04,277
Joe exotic, everybody.

993
00:44:06,846 --> 00:44:07,947
I don't know what to do.

994
00:44:08,048 --> 00:44:11,051
Shoot.

995
00:44:12,786 --> 00:44:14,054
A spirit airlines

996
00:44:14,087 --> 00:44:17,524
flight was forced to divert
after it was struck by gunfire

997
00:44:17,557 --> 00:44:20,794
from gangs
while trying to land in Haiti,

998
00:44:20,827 --> 00:44:23,830
a rare setback for people
who fly spirit

999
00:44:23,863 --> 00:44:26,866
to Haiti.

1000
00:44:29,436 --> 00:44:30,837
Scientists are concerned

1001
00:44:30,870 --> 00:44:33,540
that over the course
of 180 million years,

1002
00:44:33,573 --> 00:44:37,510
the y chromosome has declined
and that men could go extinct.

1003
00:44:37,544 --> 00:44:39,546
And 6 million years.

1004
00:44:39,579 --> 00:44:39,879
Yeah.

1005
00:44:39,913 --> 00:44:43,683
So, yeah.

1006
00:44:43,717 --> 00:44:44,851
So, ladies, hang in there.

1007
00:44:44,884 --> 00:44:46,086
You'll
get your little president.

1008
00:44:53,193 --> 00:44:54,661
Where are you going?

1009
00:44:54,694 --> 00:44:56,896
Cheers. Cheers.

1010
00:44:56,930 --> 00:44:59,099
A growing number,
a growing number of visitors

1011
00:44:59,132 --> 00:45:02,335
to Disney world are complaining
that the water ride Tiana's

1012
00:45:02,369 --> 00:45:05,839
bayou adventure
is leaving them too wet,

1013
00:45:05,872 --> 00:45:08,341
which is a complaint
usually reserved

1014
00:45:08,375 --> 00:45:11,344
for guests on.

1015
00:45:12,679 --> 00:45:15,181
The archbishop of canterbury

1016
00:45:15,215 --> 00:45:18,051
announced that he is resigning
after he failed to report

1017
00:45:18,084 --> 00:45:21,221
sexual abuse cases
at a Christian summer camp, so

1018
00:45:21,254 --> 00:45:24,257
from now on they will list it
in the official itinerary.

1019
00:45:32,799 --> 00:45:35,702
Mattel has apologized
after mistakenly

1020
00:45:35,735 --> 00:45:36,936
printing the web address

1021
00:45:36,970 --> 00:45:41,174
of a porn site on the packaging
of its new wicked dolls.

1022
00:45:41,207 --> 00:45:42,676
And it was actually
a simple mistake.

1023
00:45:42,709 --> 00:45:46,513
You see, the box was supposed
to read wicked movie.Com,

1024
00:45:46,546 --> 00:45:49,582
but instead they printed
choke me Jeff goldblum.

1025
00:45:54,254 --> 00:45:56,790
Experts are saying
that the best way to get a

1026
00:45:56,823 --> 00:46:01,027
good night's sleep is to cut out
caffeine ten hours before bed.

1027
00:46:01,027 --> 00:46:04,564
Alcohol three hours
before work, two hours before

1028
00:46:04,597 --> 00:46:06,900
and avoid devices
one hour before.

1029
00:46:06,933 --> 00:46:09,436
Or you can just
rub one out like an adult.

1030
00:46:13,039 --> 00:46:14,074
That's what experts are saying.

1031
00:46:14,107 --> 00:46:15,842
Coffee expert.

1032
00:46:15,875 --> 00:46:18,111
Got it.

1033
00:46:18,144 --> 00:46:20,847
Well, new
York's beloved squirrel, peanut,

1034
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:24,784
who became famous on Instagram
for his cute little outfits,

1035
00:46:24,818 --> 00:46:28,388
then was captured by wildlife
officials and euthanized.

1036
00:46:28,421 --> 00:46:30,190
But he continues to fuel debate

1037
00:46:30,223 --> 00:46:32,258
surrounding ownership of wild
animals.

1038
00:46:32,292 --> 00:46:33,760
Here with her thoughts on
the matter.

1039
00:46:33,793 --> 00:46:36,796
Is peanuts widow?

1040
00:46:39,065 --> 00:46:40,500
Hi, Tom. Hi.

1041
00:46:40,533 --> 00:46:42,302
Thank you so much
for being here, Mrs. Nut.

1042
00:46:42,335 --> 00:46:45,572
Please call me Hazel.

1043
00:46:45,605 --> 00:46:46,072
Okay.

1044
00:46:47,073 --> 00:46:48,742
Hazel, how are you handling
your husband's death?

1045
00:46:48,775 --> 00:46:49,275
Oh, it's

1046
00:46:50,410 --> 00:46:53,146
just so hard to be thrust
in the media spotlight, Colin.

1047
00:46:53,179 --> 00:46:55,682
I'm used to doing
regular squirrel stuff like,

1048
00:46:55,715 --> 00:46:56,082
you know,

1049
00:46:57,183 --> 00:46:59,719
chasing my own tail or running
into the middle of a street,

1050
00:46:59,753 --> 00:47:02,756
seeing a car, and then.

1051
00:47:05,792 --> 00:47:07,360
Hey, Hazel.

1052
00:47:07,394 --> 00:47:09,362
Hazel,

1053
00:47:09,396 --> 00:47:12,132
come back.

1054
00:47:12,165 --> 00:47:13,233
Welcome back.

1055
00:47:13,266 --> 00:47:15,201
Tell me a little bit
about peanut.

1056
00:47:15,235 --> 00:47:17,404
Actually,
peanut was his human name.

1057
00:47:17,437 --> 00:47:19,339
His legal squirrel name was.

1058
00:47:27,580 --> 00:47:30,183
A little
cowboy hat on Instagram.

1059
00:47:30,216 --> 00:47:32,619
He stuffed his cheeks
on OnlyFans.

1060
00:47:32,652 --> 00:47:33,386
Both sets.

1061
00:47:33,420 --> 00:47:36,656
Okay.

1062
00:47:36,690 --> 00:47:38,058
I mean,
it was the love of my life.

1063
00:47:38,091 --> 00:47:40,927
Colin. I keep thinking about
the day we met.

1064
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:44,597
I was minding my own business
by a tree squawking.

1065
00:47:45,432 --> 00:47:46,866
Squawking.

1066
00:47:46,900 --> 00:47:49,269
It's when a squirrel shakes
their entire body

1067
00:47:49,302 --> 00:47:54,307
to attract a mate like this.

1068
00:47:54,341 --> 00:47:55,342
Okay.

1069
00:47:55,375 --> 00:47:55,909
Yeah.

1070
00:47:55,942 --> 00:47:57,811
You look a little nuts.

1071
00:47:57,844 --> 00:48:00,180
Yeah,

1072
00:48:00,213 --> 00:48:02,549
there are
there aren't any nuts here.

1073
00:48:02,582 --> 00:48:05,585
Said the doctor
at your physical.

1074
00:48:09,889 --> 00:48:10,290
Yeah.

1075
00:48:10,323 --> 00:48:13,193
You're totally.

1076
00:48:13,226 --> 00:48:14,828
Come on. I'm in mourning.

1077
00:48:14,861 --> 00:48:15,528
Colin.

1078
00:48:15,562 --> 00:48:19,065
I need touch.

1079
00:48:19,099 --> 00:48:22,102
What exactly happened
to your late husband, Tina?

1080
00:48:22,135 --> 00:48:22,635
Well, the.

1081
00:48:22,669 --> 00:48:24,104
Cops raided our house,

1082
00:48:24,137 --> 00:48:27,374
and then peanut bit one
like a damn hero.

1083
00:48:27,407 --> 00:48:29,476
Have you ever bit a cop, Colin?

1084
00:48:29,509 --> 00:48:31,778
Why would I bite the hand
that feeds me?

1085
00:48:31,811 --> 00:48:32,879
Bingo game.

1086
00:48:36,950 --> 00:48:39,819
What is the name?

1087
00:48:39,853 --> 00:48:41,054
Duck. Peanut.

1088
00:48:41,054 --> 00:48:44,057
And chopped his head off
in a rabies test.

1089
00:48:44,057 --> 00:48:45,692
That's
how they really test for rabies.

1090
00:48:45,725 --> 00:48:49,429
Colin, can you imagine that
if they chopped off your penis

1091
00:48:49,462 --> 00:48:52,966
every time you tested positive
for chlamydia?

1092
00:48:53,066 --> 00:48:55,735
I never tested positive
for chlamydia.

1093
00:48:55,769 --> 00:48:58,738
Ignorance is bliss.

1094
00:48:58,772 --> 00:49:00,106
Slanging that stank.

1095
00:49:00,140 --> 00:49:03,309
Am I right, brother?

1096
00:49:03,343 --> 00:49:05,545
Kick that tail out of my face.

1097
00:49:05,578 --> 00:49:06,212
Fine.

1098
00:49:06,246 --> 00:49:09,215
Okay. Oh!

1099
00:49:13,153 --> 00:49:14,421
Found a couple acorns.

1100
00:49:14,454 --> 00:49:17,190
Okay.

1101
00:49:17,223 --> 00:49:19,626
Hazel, I just
I hope you can find some closure

1102
00:49:19,659 --> 00:49:21,127
and finally move on
with your life.

1103
00:49:21,161 --> 00:49:22,662
Oh. What life?

1104
00:49:22,696 --> 00:49:26,232
I'm a widow for Colin.

1105
00:49:26,266 --> 00:49:28,468
So that
the only person who wants to hit

1106
00:49:28,501 --> 00:49:31,504
it is Jake Paul.

1107
00:49:33,306 --> 00:49:34,674
I can't take it anymore.

1108
00:49:34,708 --> 00:49:35,742
I'm going nuts.

1109
00:49:35,775 --> 00:49:39,245
Nuts? Where?

1110
00:49:39,279 --> 00:49:42,048
You're
the one who just said nuts.

1111
00:49:42,048 --> 00:49:44,851
I'm so alone. Touch me. Colin.

1112
00:49:48,421 --> 00:49:49,489
It's in my mouth.

1113
00:49:49,522 --> 00:49:50,724
Oh, come on.

1114
00:49:50,757 --> 00:49:53,760
Your hinge
profile says you love bush.

1115
00:49:56,529 --> 00:49:58,164
President bush, he nuts.

1116
00:49:58,198 --> 00:50:01,201
Widow.

1117
00:50:02,268 --> 00:50:03,303
For weekend update
i
m Colin jost

1118
00:50:03,336 --> 00:50:06,306
I'm Michael che
goodnight!

1119
00:50:18,151 --> 00:50:20,387
Thanks for inviting me
to this acting class, David.

1120
00:50:20,420 --> 00:50:22,022
I've never done one specifically

1121
00:50:22,055 --> 00:50:23,590
about auditioning
for commercials.

1122
00:50:23,623 --> 00:50:24,457
Hey. No problem.

1123
00:50:24,491 --> 00:50:25,058
Yeah. Hear this.

1124
00:50:26,026 --> 00:50:27,160
Teacher Theodore strop
is actually really good.

1125
00:50:27,193 --> 00:50:30,663
Really good try. Very good.

1126
00:50:30,697 --> 00:50:34,634
Thanks to him, I almost became
the face of new snacks.

1127
00:50:34,668 --> 00:50:35,502
Hello, class.

1128
00:50:35,535 --> 00:50:37,704
Sorry I'm late.
I parked in a crazy way.

1129
00:50:37,737 --> 00:50:39,072
Welcome to commercial acting.

1130
00:50:39,105 --> 00:50:41,808
Well, the number one rule is
you're not selling a product.

1131
00:50:41,841 --> 00:50:43,443
You're telling a story.

1132
00:50:43,476 --> 00:50:45,612
New students show me something.

1133
00:50:45,645 --> 00:50:46,880
Okay, so me and Lacey

1134
00:50:46,913 --> 00:50:50,717
have been working on a scene
from a sky rising commercial.

1135
00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:54,454
I don't want to go out tonight
because of my plaque psoriasis.

1136
00:50:54,487 --> 00:50:55,655
For me, I don't have.

1137
00:50:55,689 --> 00:50:58,992
To hide
because I use sky. Rizzi.

1138
00:50:59,025 --> 00:51:01,861
Wrong. Oh, get away from me.

1139
00:51:01,895 --> 00:51:02,929
Oh, that's a star student.

1140
00:51:02,962 --> 00:51:05,065
Get up here
and show them how it's done.

1141
00:51:05,098 --> 00:51:07,067
Do the line from your audition.

1142
00:51:07,067 --> 00:51:09,402
Mucinex
is the best product around.

1143
00:51:09,436 --> 00:51:10,203
Strong emphasis.

1144
00:51:10,236 --> 00:51:11,571
Hit product products.

1145
00:51:11,604 --> 00:51:13,640
The word.
Mucinex is the best products.

1146
00:51:13,673 --> 00:51:14,708
Around. Yes.

1147
00:51:14,741 --> 00:51:16,443
Now give me mucinex,
give me product,

1148
00:51:16,476 --> 00:51:18,511
give me four seconds
and then give me a round.

1149
00:51:18,545 --> 00:51:20,313
Mucinex is the best product.

1150
00:51:20,347 --> 00:51:23,950
Five, six,
seven, eight all round. Yes.

1151
00:51:23,983 --> 00:51:26,686
And that's
why she almost got the job.

1152
00:51:26,720 --> 00:51:27,120
Okay.

1153
00:51:28,121 --> 00:51:29,622
How is it? Good
if she didn't even get the job.

1154
00:51:29,656 --> 00:51:31,157
Oh, I'm sorry.

1155
00:51:31,191 --> 00:51:32,959
Can you run through your credits
real quick?

1156
00:51:32,992 --> 00:51:33,693
That's right.

1157
00:51:33,727 --> 00:51:34,861
You don't have any.

1158
00:51:34,894 --> 00:51:36,730
Me, on the other hand,
I have three.

1159
00:51:36,763 --> 00:51:40,600
One fear factor eight,
a bunch of worms and still lost

1160
00:51:40,633 --> 00:51:42,002
two missed matter.

1161
00:51:42,102 --> 00:51:45,939
Accidentally
hooked up with my own mom. But

1162
00:51:45,972 --> 00:51:46,773
I'm three.

1163
00:51:47,874 --> 00:51:49,476
I guess I only have two.
Thank you. And you're welcome.

1164
00:51:49,509 --> 00:51:51,644
She's sorry.

1165
00:51:51,678 --> 00:51:53,747
All right, guys,
now let's go deep.

1166
00:51:53,780 --> 00:51:56,583
Okay? The key
to acting is accessing trauma.

1167
00:51:56,616 --> 00:51:58,585
What is the worst thing
that happened to you?

1168
00:51:58,618 --> 00:52:01,454
You owe me.

1169
00:52:01,488 --> 00:52:04,591
Well, I've never shared this
with anyone before, but one day

1170
00:52:04,624 --> 00:52:05,358
when I was little,

1171
00:52:06,326 --> 00:52:08,061
I went fishing with my dad,
and a wave hit us,

1172
00:52:08,061 --> 00:52:10,363
and he fell off the boat,
and I never saw him again.

1173
00:52:14,100 --> 00:52:15,101
Oh, sorry.

1174
00:52:15,135 --> 00:52:16,603
I just got a crazy text.

1175
00:52:16,636 --> 00:52:19,706
But the good news is,
I am not the father.

1176
00:52:19,739 --> 00:52:21,241
Oh, let's go back
up. I'm going crazy.

1177
00:52:21,274 --> 00:52:23,076
Read me some copy from target.

1178
00:52:23,076 --> 00:52:26,446
When I need groceries, clothes
or towels, I go to target.

1179
00:52:26,479 --> 00:52:28,815
Good. Not great.
Emphasis on clothes, towels.

1180
00:52:28,848 --> 00:52:32,852
And two, when I need groceries
or towels, I go to target.

1181
00:52:32,886 --> 00:52:35,088
Perfect. Almost like a. Park.

1182
00:52:35,088 --> 00:52:37,557
Now, you two get up here
and begin a scene.

1183
00:52:37,590 --> 00:52:40,593
Please go go go go go go and go.

1184
00:52:40,627 --> 00:52:43,496
Would you grab me a
cup of the finest brew in town?

1185
00:52:43,530 --> 00:52:45,532
One blue bottle coffee
coming right up.

1186
00:52:45,565 --> 00:52:46,299
Wrong, wrong.

1187
00:52:46,332 --> 00:52:48,501
Bad. Cut. Cut away. Away, away.

1188
00:52:48,535 --> 00:52:49,703
Thank you.

1189
00:52:49,736 --> 00:52:52,472
Never turn away from the camera.

1190
00:52:52,505 --> 00:52:54,841
When you're in a scene, you want
the audience to see you.

1191
00:52:54,874 --> 00:52:57,143
But keep it natural,
okay? Watch.

1192
00:52:57,177 --> 00:52:59,279
Oh, you want a coffee?
I'll go get it.

1193
00:52:59,312 --> 00:53:00,814
And then you walk like this.

1194
00:53:03,083 --> 00:53:04,050
Grab the coffee.

1195
00:53:04,084 --> 00:53:04,851
Come back now.

1196
00:53:04,884 --> 00:53:07,554
We're having a coffee together.

1197
00:53:07,587 --> 00:53:09,389
That didn't look natural at all.

1198
00:53:09,422 --> 00:53:11,358
David,
let me show you something.

1199
00:53:11,391 --> 00:53:13,526
This is what it's like
to be in a scene with you. Okay?

1200
00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:15,095
Say something.

1201
00:53:15,128 --> 00:53:16,162
Okay. Hey.

1202
00:53:16,196 --> 00:53:18,932
How have.

1203
00:53:18,965 --> 00:53:21,601
Hi. How can I stop
talking to me?

1204
00:53:21,634 --> 00:53:23,336
Talk to Alissa.

1205
00:53:23,370 --> 00:53:26,072
Just. Oh my god. Okay.

1206
00:53:26,072 --> 00:53:26,373
I'm sorry.

1207
00:53:27,307 --> 00:53:27,941
What am I supposed to be
learning from this?

1208
00:53:27,974 --> 00:53:30,744
Exactly. Alissa, back up here.

1209
00:53:30,777 --> 00:53:33,446
Okay, now, listen, I are going
to do a little exercise.

1210
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,914
Someone yell at of company

1211
00:53:34,948 --> 00:53:38,084
and we will give a perfect
ad read of their slogan.

1212
00:53:39,352 --> 00:53:40,820
I don't know, capital one.

1213
00:53:40,854 --> 00:53:41,788
Okay.

1214
00:53:41,821 --> 00:53:44,357
Here, use my credit card.

1215
00:53:44,391 --> 00:53:47,394
What's in your wallet?

1216
00:53:50,397 --> 00:53:50,897
Chills.

1217
00:53:50,930 --> 00:53:53,433
I gave myself chills.

1218
00:53:53,466 --> 00:53:54,701
Give us another one, please.

1219
00:53:54,734 --> 00:53:57,270
O'Reilly's auto parts. Perfect.

1220
00:53:57,303 --> 00:54:00,173
Alissa. Go ahead. 000,

1221
00:54:00,206 --> 00:54:04,511
Riley auto parts.

1222
00:54:04,544 --> 00:54:05,845
Okay, now let's do Burger King.

1223
00:54:05,879 --> 00:54:07,380
Okay. You start.

1224
00:54:07,414 --> 00:54:09,249
I'm hungry. What should I eat?

1225
00:54:09,282 --> 00:54:11,851
I want Sushi, I.
Want a burger. Fine.

1226
00:54:11,885 --> 00:54:17,190
Have it your way.

1227
00:54:17,223 --> 00:54:20,593
Now, Allison, I am going to
improvise an entire commercial.

1228
00:54:20,627 --> 00:54:23,463
Okay, now give us a product.
Any product?

1229
00:54:23,496 --> 00:54:24,431
Paper towels.

1230
00:54:24,464 --> 00:54:25,432
Perfect. Go ahead.

1231
00:54:25,465 --> 00:54:28,268
My house is a mess. Use these.

1232
00:54:28,301 --> 00:54:30,136
They're the best. No.
They got no.

1233
00:54:30,170 --> 00:54:31,071
Are you hungry?

1234
00:54:31,071 --> 00:54:31,838
I'm starving.

1235
00:54:31,871 --> 00:54:34,974
Okay, let's go to sleep

1236
00:54:35,075 --> 00:54:35,809
and sing.

1237
00:54:35,842 --> 00:54:37,210
Oh my god, yes, I love you.

1238
00:54:37,243 --> 00:54:39,746
Oh, my god,
I love you, my husband.

1239
00:54:39,779 --> 00:54:40,647
Oh, wait.

1240
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:42,315
They're married.

1241
00:54:42,349 --> 00:54:44,684
Yes we are,
and that's our class for today.

1242
00:54:44,718 --> 00:54:47,721
We will be leaving.

1243
00:55:00,066 --> 00:55:01,234
Once again, Charli xcx.

1244
00:55:06,306 --> 00:55:09,309
**

1245
00:55:09,342 --> 00:55:10,810
♪ I don't wanna

1246
00:55:10,844 --> 00:55:12,312
share the space

1247
00:55:12,345 --> 00:55:13,813
I don't wanna

1248
00:55:13,847 --> 00:55:17,250
force a smile ♪

1249
00:55:17,283 --> 00:55:18,752
Taps my insecurities

1250
00:55:18,785 --> 00:55:21,054
don't know if it's real

1251
00:55:21,054 --> 00:55:22,522
or if I'm spiraling ♪

1252
00:55:22,555 --> 00:55:24,057
♪ one voice

1253
00:55:24,057 --> 00:55:25,525
tells me that they laugh ♪

1254
00:55:25,558 --> 00:55:27,494
♪ George says

1255
00:55:27,527 --> 00:55:30,063
I'm just paranoid

1256
00:55:30,063 --> 00:55:31,531
says he just don't see it

1257
00:55:31,564 --> 00:55:33,533
he's so naive ♪

1258
00:55:33,566 --> 00:55:35,769
♪ I'm embarrassed to have it

1259
00:55:35,802 --> 00:55:37,771
but need the sympathy ♪

1260
00:55:37,804 --> 00:55:39,072
♪ 'cause I

1261
00:55:39,072 --> 00:55:40,273
couldn't even be her

1262
00:55:40,306 --> 00:55:42,275
if I tried ♪

1263
00:55:42,308 --> 00:55:43,543
♪ I'm opposite

1264
00:55:43,576 --> 00:55:45,779
I'm on the other side

1265
00:55:45,812 --> 00:55:47,080
I feel all these feelings

1266
00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:49,783
I can't control ♪

1267
00:55:49,816 --> 00:55:51,551
♪ oh no don't know

1268
00:55:51,584 --> 00:55:52,786
why

1269
00:55:52,819 --> 00:55:54,521
all this sympathy

1270
00:55:54,554 --> 00:55:56,556
is just a knife ♪

1271
00:55:56,589 --> 00:55:58,291
♪ why I can't even

1272
00:55:58,324 --> 00:56:00,293
grit my teeth and lie

1273
00:56:00,326 --> 00:56:01,795
I feel all these feelings

1274
00:56:01,828 --> 00:56:04,064
I can't control ♪

1275
00:56:04,097 --> 00:56:07,567
♪ oh no don't know

1276
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:10,804
why I wanna buy a gun

1277
00:56:10,837 --> 00:56:13,807
why I wanna shoot myself ♪

1278
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,475
♪ volatile

1279
00:56:15,508 --> 00:56:17,744
at war with my dialogue

1280
00:56:17,777 --> 00:56:19,245
I'd say that there was a god

1281
00:56:19,279 --> 00:56:20,747
if they could stop this ♪

1282
00:56:20,780 --> 00:56:22,749
♪ wild voice

1283
00:56:22,782 --> 00:56:25,518
tearing me apart

1284
00:56:25,552 --> 00:56:28,054
I'm so apprehensive now ♪

1285
00:56:28,054 --> 00:56:29,255
♪ don't wanna see her

1286
00:56:29,289 --> 00:56:30,256
backstage

1287
00:56:30,290 --> 00:56:31,257
at my boyfriend's show ♪

1288
00:56:31,291 --> 00:56:32,258
♪ fingers crossed

1289
00:56:32,292 --> 00:56:33,526
behind my back

1290
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:36,262
I hope they break up quick ♪

1291
00:56:36,296 --> 00:56:37,530
♪ 'cause I

1292
00:56:37,564 --> 00:56:39,065
couldn't even be her

1293
00:56:39,065 --> 00:56:40,500
if I tried ♪

1294
00:56:40,533 --> 00:56:42,268
♪ I'm opposite

1295
00:56:42,302 --> 00:56:43,770
I'm on the other side

1296
00:56:43,803 --> 00:56:45,071
I feel all these feelings

1297
00:56:45,071 --> 00:56:47,273
I can't control ♪

1298
00:56:47,307 --> 00:56:49,542
♪ oh no don't know

1299
00:56:49,576 --> 00:56:51,077
why

1300
00:56:51,077 --> 00:56:52,779
all this sympathy

1301
00:56:52,812 --> 00:56:55,281
is just a knife ♪

1302
00:56:55,315 --> 00:56:56,549
♪ why I can't even

1303
00:56:56,583 --> 00:56:58,284
grit my teeth and lie

1304
00:56:58,318 --> 00:56:59,786
I feel all these feelings

1305
00:56:59,819 --> 00:57:02,288
I can't control ♪

1306
00:57:02,322 --> 00:57:03,556
♪ oh no

1307
00:57:03,590 --> 00:57:04,557
all this sympathy

1308
00:57:04,591 --> 00:57:06,026
is just a knife ♪

1309
00:57:06,059 --> 00:57:07,560
♪ all this sympathy

1310
00:57:07,594 --> 00:57:09,062
is just a knife

1311
00:57:09,095 --> 00:57:11,798
all this sympathy

1312
00:57:11,831 --> 00:57:13,299
is just a knife ♪

1313
00:57:13,333 --> 00:57:14,801
♪ yeah all this sympathy

1314
00:57:14,834 --> 00:57:16,736
is just a knife

1315
00:57:16,770 --> 00:57:19,506
oh no oh ♪

1316
00:57:19,539 --> 00:57:21,508
♪ why

1317
00:57:21,541 --> 00:57:23,476
is all this sympathy

1318
00:57:23,510 --> 00:57:24,744
a -- knife? ♪

1319
00:57:24,778 --> 00:57:26,046
♪ Yeah all this sympathy

1320
00:57:26,046 --> 00:57:27,247
is just a knife

1321
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:29,249
couldn't even be her

1322
00:57:29,282 --> 00:57:30,750
if I tried ♪

1323
00:57:30,784 --> 00:57:33,753
♪ oh no no ♪

1324
00:57:52,639 --> 00:57:53,673
Thanksgiving.

1325
00:57:53,707 --> 00:57:55,975
A holiday as old as america
itself.

1326
00:57:56,076 --> 00:57:57,811
The pilgrims
and native Americans prove

1327
00:57:57,844 --> 00:57:59,713
they're more alike
than different.

1328
00:57:59,746 --> 00:58:03,316
As they laughed, drank,
and ate my mom.

1329
00:58:04,851 --> 00:58:05,752
It's the end, girl.

1330
00:58:05,785 --> 00:58:07,320
Thanksgiving
special coming at you

1331
00:58:07,354 --> 00:58:09,456
live from the milk studios
ateliers.

1332
00:58:09,489 --> 00:58:11,157
I'm your host, Marc Jacobs, and.

1333
00:58:11,191 --> 00:58:14,260
I'm sure y'all part
two is giving.

1334
00:58:14,294 --> 00:58:16,496
Thank you.

1335
00:58:16,529 --> 00:58:19,132
Tonight
the table is phat with it.

1336
00:58:19,165 --> 00:58:20,600
Girls, past and present.

1337
00:58:20,633 --> 00:58:23,670
Like supermodel Naomi Campbell.

1338
00:58:23,703 --> 00:58:26,573
This Thanksgiving,
I'm grateful for my family.

1339
00:58:26,606 --> 00:58:29,609
I brought the substance.

1340
00:58:31,311 --> 00:58:33,313
Next, it's posh spice herself.

1341
00:58:33,346 --> 00:58:35,382
Victoria back.

1342
00:58:35,415 --> 00:58:37,650
Pilgrims and indigenous.

1343
00:58:37,684 --> 00:58:41,488
Honestly, one of the most
iconic clubs since me and David.

1344
00:58:41,521 --> 00:58:44,457
I bought creamed spinach.

1345
00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:51,464
Sweetie,
that's la mer face cream.

1346
00:58:51,498 --> 00:58:53,500
You all right?

1347
00:58:53,533 --> 00:58:55,468
Actually, put the body,
audience and bodies.

1348
00:58:55,502 --> 00:58:56,403
Bodies, bodies.

1349
00:58:56,436 --> 00:58:58,238
It's welcome it. Girl after us.

1350
00:58:58,271 --> 00:59:01,908
Rachel. Senate.

1351
00:59:02,008 --> 00:59:03,877
Pumpkin pie is pie vibes.

1352
00:59:03,910 --> 00:59:06,913
I brought my two big gourds.

1353
00:59:08,882 --> 00:59:10,684
And these girls were at babies

1354
00:59:10,717 --> 00:59:12,452
acting circles
around uncle Jesse.

1355
00:59:12,485 --> 00:59:14,721
It's the Olsen twins.

1356
00:59:14,754 --> 00:59:18,291
This big ass coat is from
the Rose black Friday sale,

1357
00:59:18,324 --> 00:59:22,295
where everything is 20% on.

1358
00:59:22,328 --> 00:59:26,332
I brought a cigaret casserole.

1359
00:59:26,366 --> 00:59:28,268
And I brought loaded
Mac and cheese.

1360
00:59:28,301 --> 00:59:32,772
I don't think
I got what this is going to be.

1361
00:59:32,806 --> 00:59:34,574
And we know
what you're thinking.

1362
00:59:34,607 --> 00:59:37,043
Who the f is making the Turkey?

1363
00:59:37,043 --> 00:59:38,545
Obviously it's Cher.

1364
00:59:38,578 --> 00:59:40,413
How's it coming along?

1365
00:59:40,447 --> 00:59:44,150
What am I supposed to do

1366
00:59:44,184 --> 00:59:44,684
for Cher?

1367
00:59:44,718 --> 00:59:46,119
Are you scared, Cher?

1368
00:59:46,152 --> 00:59:49,556
I don't know why I did
the things I did.

1369
00:59:49,589 --> 00:59:52,592
I don't know why
I put sprite in the gravy.

1370
00:59:54,127 --> 00:59:55,195
And now the

1371
00:59:55,228 --> 00:59:59,399
girls would like to perform
the story of Thanksgiving.

1372
00:59:59,432 --> 01:00:00,433
When the pilgrims

1373
01:00:00,467 --> 01:00:03,503
arrived in the new world,
they were starved alone.

1374
01:00:03,536 --> 01:00:04,537
They knew nothing.

1375
01:00:04,571 --> 01:00:07,474
Okay,
we had zero bond on Tuesday.

1376
01:00:07,507 --> 01:00:11,878
Oh, the native Americans
were feasting on Turkey celsius.

1377
01:00:11,911 --> 01:00:13,013
And how much? He crowed.

1378
01:00:13,046 --> 01:00:16,249
I like that the party got so lit

1379
01:00:16,282 --> 01:00:19,686
that they let everyone in,
even the youtubers and.

1380
01:00:19,719 --> 01:00:24,924
Zach braff t

1381
01:00:24,958 --> 01:00:27,527
wow, what a classic Thanksgiving
tale.

1382
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:29,796
Share.
How is the Turkey coming along?

1383
01:00:29,829 --> 01:00:34,067
If I could turn off the stove
and you go, what about. No.

1384
01:00:34,100 --> 01:00:36,369
So she has Turkey.
It was on ozempic.

1385
01:00:36,403 --> 01:00:39,039
I really don't think it's big.

1386
01:00:39,072 --> 01:00:41,374
No, no.

1387
01:00:41,408 --> 01:00:43,743
Okay, don't sweat it. Share.

1388
01:00:43,777 --> 01:00:47,013
But wait,
where are the Olsen twins?

1389
01:00:47,047 --> 01:00:49,349
We fell in.

1390
01:00:49,382 --> 01:00:51,051
I can't find Ashley.

1391
01:00:51,084 --> 01:00:51,951
Oh, no.

1392
01:00:53,019 --> 01:00:55,321
The Olsen twins got lost
in their big ass code again,

1393
01:00:55,355 --> 01:00:57,924
and they don't get cell
service in there. No.

1394
01:00:57,957 --> 01:00:58,892
Don't despair.

1395
01:01:01,494 --> 01:01:04,364
Your host
is here at Thanksgiving.

1396
01:01:04,397 --> 01:01:10,303
The basics do a Turkey trot,
but the girls do a Turkey strut.

1397
01:01:10,337 --> 01:01:13,473
Turkey,
Turkey gobble of it, and Turkey.

1398
01:01:13,506 --> 01:01:15,075
Thanks.

1399
01:01:15,075 --> 01:01:16,676
She's so

1400
01:01:16,710 --> 01:01:18,111
cool.

1401
01:01:18,144 --> 01:01:20,347
Come. Can't on

1402
01:01:20,380 --> 01:01:21,081
summer come.

1403
01:01:21,114 --> 01:01:22,716
The packers.

1404
01:01:22,749 --> 01:01:26,820
But we are
and human giblets and glad

1405
01:01:26,853 --> 01:01:30,323
and that no crumbs shut the

1406
01:01:30,357 --> 01:01:33,326
Turkey.

1407
01:01:35,562 --> 01:01:36,229
That's.

1408
01:01:36,262 --> 01:01:38,098
Thank you lord.

1409
01:01:38,131 --> 01:01:39,299
He turn that Turkey out.

1410
01:01:39,332 --> 01:01:41,601
But the food's
all over the floor now.

1411
01:01:41,634 --> 01:01:45,505
Oh and we'll just have to do
as the program's dead

1412
01:01:45,538 --> 01:01:46,806
a girl dinner.

1413
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:50,643
And strut it out.

1414
01:02:11,431 --> 01:02:11,965
God, that.

1415
01:02:12,065 --> 01:02:13,266
Was an incredible show.

1416
01:02:13,299 --> 01:02:14,868
The sets, the songs.

1417
01:02:14,901 --> 01:02:17,637
The donkey,
I mean, meat, I go on. Yeah.

1418
01:02:17,671 --> 01:02:20,306
I can't believe I've never seen
Shrek the musical.

1419
01:02:20,340 --> 01:02:23,476
You just did.

1420
01:02:23,510 --> 01:02:25,912
I meant before tonight.

1421
01:02:25,945 --> 01:02:27,881
We. Guys, where's my Lonnie?

1422
01:02:27,914 --> 01:02:30,116
She's been in the bathroom
for, like, 15 minutes.

1423
01:02:30,150 --> 01:02:31,084
Yeah, any longer.

1424
01:02:31,084 --> 01:02:33,253
And we'll miss our reservation
at domino's.

1425
01:02:33,286 --> 01:02:34,988
They take reservations.

1426
01:02:35,088 --> 01:02:36,456
If you want a table, they do?

1427
01:02:36,489 --> 01:02:39,426
Oh, just like
we're always waiting for Lonnie.

1428
01:02:39,459 --> 01:02:41,294
Okay, babe. So we ready. To.

1429
01:02:43,496 --> 01:02:46,132
Ride?

1430
01:02:46,166 --> 01:02:46,433
Late.

1431
01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:49,235
Lonnie,
did you just make it? Oh.

1432
01:02:49,269 --> 01:02:51,338
What's. No, no.

1433
01:02:51,371 --> 01:02:53,773
Why is your mouth on green girl?

1434
01:02:53,807 --> 01:02:56,876
Oh. I was drinking a slushy.

1435
01:02:56,910 --> 01:02:59,145
Yeah,
and I mixed all the flavors

1436
01:02:59,179 --> 01:03:00,947
together
to make a suicide. Sorry.

1437
01:03:01,047 --> 01:03:02,916
And an alive.

1438
01:03:02,949 --> 01:03:04,317
But, yeah, the color,
the screen.

1439
01:03:04,351 --> 01:03:07,354
And that's why it's all over
my mouth and hands.

1440
01:03:07,387 --> 01:03:10,724
You clearly made out with Shrek.

1441
01:03:10,757 --> 01:03:11,658
Get it?

1442
01:03:11,691 --> 01:03:14,494
Get real.
You guys always do this.

1443
01:03:14,527 --> 01:03:17,197
You always accuse me
of hooking up with celebrities.

1444
01:03:17,230 --> 01:03:18,631
You do late, Lonnie.

1445
01:03:18,665 --> 01:03:20,567
Like the time
we went to despicable me on.

1446
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:21,735
Ice, and you went to the

1447
01:03:21,768 --> 01:03:26,106
bathroom for 38 minutes and
came out with a yellow mouth.

1448
01:03:26,139 --> 01:03:26,806
You know what?

1449
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:28,541
This is totally inappropriate.

1450
01:03:28,575 --> 01:03:30,910
I'm going to go find
the director and tell him.

1451
01:03:30,944 --> 01:03:32,212
Yes, him.

1452
01:03:32,245 --> 01:03:34,848
Directors can be men, too.

1453
01:03:34,881 --> 01:03:38,385
I picture him that his bleeding
ogre with smash mouth thing.

1454
01:03:38,418 --> 01:03:39,753
My friends. Excuse me.

1455
01:03:43,590 --> 01:03:47,627
Oh. What toppings you
guys going to get on your pizza?

1456
01:03:47,660 --> 01:03:48,261
Hello.

1457
01:03:48,294 --> 01:03:51,097
Chiming in finally oh sorry.

1458
01:03:51,131 --> 01:03:53,266
Three chatty
ladies on harder on a gay guy.

1459
01:03:53,299 --> 01:03:56,169
Yeah.
Kind of hard to get a word in.

1460
01:03:56,202 --> 01:03:59,205
I'm on Adderall to.

1461
01:04:05,311 --> 01:04:08,048
Kind of find anyone

1462
01:04:08,048 --> 01:04:10,050
is basically empty.

1463
01:04:10,050 --> 01:04:12,652
Janice,
are you the 4 or 5 six line?

1464
01:04:12,686 --> 01:04:13,620
Because you look like you don't

1465
01:04:13,653 --> 01:04:16,656
had a green train
run on your ass.

1466
01:04:19,759 --> 01:04:20,193
What?

1467
01:04:21,061 --> 01:04:21,961
I did not.
Hook up with Shrek, okay?

1468
01:04:22,062 --> 01:04:24,731
A green sharpie,
which is very rare, by the way,

1469
01:04:24,764 --> 01:04:25,899
exploded in my bag.

1470
01:04:25,932 --> 01:04:29,536
So where else would I wipe it
but all my erogenous zones.

1471
01:04:29,569 --> 01:04:31,604
Perfectly logical explanations.

1472
01:04:31,638 --> 01:04:33,773
You guys are acting so crazy
right now.

1473
01:04:33,807 --> 01:04:34,574
No, genius.

1474
01:04:34,607 --> 01:04:35,909
This is just like the time
we went to

1475
01:04:35,942 --> 01:04:37,510
the avatar haunted house.

1476
01:04:37,544 --> 01:04:38,978
We had a reservation at 11 P.M.

1477
01:04:39,079 --> 01:04:41,414
At Max brenner,
the chocolate bald man

1478
01:04:41,448 --> 01:04:43,083
who waited for three hours.

1479
01:04:43,083 --> 01:04:44,651
Then you came out
covered in blue paint,

1480
01:04:44,684 --> 01:04:46,720
holding a rock
made of unobtainium,

1481
01:04:46,753 --> 01:04:49,723
which just turned
out to be crack, by the way.

1482
01:04:49,756 --> 01:04:52,392
God, I can't even look at y'all.

1483
01:04:52,425 --> 01:04:55,862
Oh. Get it?

1484
01:04:55,895 --> 01:04:59,866
You have hands
and face friends on your ass.

1485
01:04:59,899 --> 01:05:01,634
I'm fine.

1486
01:05:01,668 --> 01:05:04,070
I'll admit it's during
before the show.

1487
01:05:04,104 --> 01:05:08,208
I received an otp, but.

1488
01:05:08,241 --> 01:05:09,709
An over the pants

1489
01:05:09,743 --> 01:05:13,580
below the waist motorboat.

1490
01:05:13,613 --> 01:05:14,347
Shrek.

1491
01:05:15,415 --> 01:05:16,516
How do you know it wasn't Fiona
post ogre revealed.

1492
01:05:16,549 --> 01:05:20,186
God, you guys are so biphobic

1493
01:05:20,220 --> 01:05:21,287
are you? Bye.

1494
01:05:21,321 --> 01:05:24,958
You know.

1495
01:05:25,058 --> 01:05:28,328
Well, well, well,

1496
01:05:28,361 --> 01:05:32,866
if it isn't the three onions
I just peeled back.

1497
01:05:32,899 --> 01:05:33,133
What?

1498
01:05:34,134 --> 01:05:35,468
Shrek, you're going
to have to choose one of us.

1499
01:05:35,502 --> 01:05:36,536
So who's it going to be?

1500
01:05:36,569 --> 01:05:39,906
Me, gadget,
a 31 year old teaching artist

1501
01:05:39,939 --> 01:05:43,710
with a short fuze
and a big heart.

1502
01:05:43,743 --> 01:05:48,081
I mean, Ginny's a 31 year old
speech pathologist doing her.

1503
01:05:48,081 --> 01:05:49,249
Best to make it in this

1504
01:05:49,282 --> 01:05:52,385
fifth character of sex
and the city we call the.

1505
01:05:52,419 --> 01:05:54,587
Movies your.

1506
01:05:54,621 --> 01:05:58,124
Own. Me, Leilani, a
barely 31 year old chuckle ever

1507
01:05:58,158 --> 01:05:59,592
who takes too long
in the bathroom

1508
01:05:59,626 --> 01:06:02,328
because I'm not doing
a number one or number two.

1509
01:06:02,362 --> 01:06:03,530
I'm doing number three.

1510
01:06:03,563 --> 01:06:06,099
Hooking up.

1511
01:06:06,132 --> 01:06:08,768
Or me, Suzanne, a 19 year old.

1512
01:06:08,802 --> 01:06:11,604
Don't say anything.

1513
01:06:11,638 --> 01:06:13,506
Who's a lord farquaad
in the streets

1514
01:06:13,540 --> 01:06:17,210
and a puss in the boots?

1515
01:06:17,243 --> 01:06:18,578
Me, Pablo.

1516
01:06:18,611 --> 01:06:19,679
A guy who just wants

1517
01:06:19,713 --> 01:06:22,749
to get to domino's in time
for his reservation.

1518
01:06:22,782 --> 01:06:25,785
Well, Shrek,
who's it going to be?

1519
01:06:25,819 --> 01:06:29,656
I want Pablo.

1520
01:06:29,689 --> 01:06:32,692
I can only.

1521
01:06:56,583 --> 01:07:01,021
My thanks to Alec Baldwin,

1522
01:07:01,021 --> 01:07:04,924
Dana carvey, thank you!

1523
01:07:08,928 --> 01:07:10,897
**